False Confidence

31

It has been two weeks and Harriet hasn't talked to me once, accept to tell me to move out the way when I was brushing my teeth two days ago. My parents have tried talking to her but she isn't budging.

"You need to make up with Harriet." Sarah appears at my locker, handing me a coffee, no doubt to butter me up. I frown at her and she sighs "Two weeks of terrible makeup, Harriet is mad all the time and yesterday she and Alena had a huge spat in the middle of cheer practice because Alena didn't tie her hair in a ponytail. "

"Harriet doesn't want me near her, never mind talking to her."  I shut my locker and take the cup, sipping the wonder that is coffee. Trying to quill the irritation that slowly fills me. My own temper is running on a short fuse at the moment. 

"Can't you fix it?" I am surprised by the whine in Sarah's voice because is it unusual. 

"I didn't do anything wrong, Sarah." I have had a week to think it over and I have come to the conclusion that I did nothing wrong. Harriet's schooling will be drastically reduced with immediate affect and she now has the guidance counsellor properly involved in her decision making skills. So overall she benefitted far more than any hinderance. 

"Harper, you do not understand. Harriet is suffering." I pause at that, turning to Sarah and fixing her with a glare. She stops as well and her eyes widen as I fix her with a look.

"Why does everyone think I can't understand?" It is almost humorous how little everyone thinks of my understanding. Like I am above struggle and above the pain that everyone else feels. Just because I smile, because I am able to see the positive in life. Suddenly I am naïve and unrelatable. "Do you think I am not suffering? My twin just told me that she hates me, that I must never speak to her again just because I wanted to help her." I pause, swallowing the lump in my throat. 

"No, I won't apologise, Sarah." I leave her there, handing back the coffee and marching to my next lesson. I need my punching bag. I am irate and in need of a release. The day continues to be frustrating and instead of spending lunch at an empty table I head for the library. I am surprised to find Steve there. Smiling I make my way over. Taking a seat opposite him as he grins in  return. 

"What are you hiding from?" I ask him, since I usually see him in the cafeteria. 

"Just tired today, and the table was being idiotic." I pull out my lunch and place it on the table "You okay?" He asks eyes flickering over my face as I sort out the food. Biscuits and cheese, my favourite.  "I heard what happened with Harriet." him and everyone else.

"Fine."

"You don't have to be fine," He sighs rustling his hair and fixing me with a pained smile " I get it, siblings are a tough one, especially when you are close."

"Yeah," I pause, besides my parents and Alena no one has asked me if I am okay. "Well, I feel horribly misunderstood, who knew having a happy deposition excuses you from feeling."

"want to talk about it?" And I do because I need someone else on my side. Need someone to hear me and not tell me to apologise, not tell me I just need to understand. In their rush to get everything back to normal, they are not understanding me. They are not giving me a chance. But Steve does, he listens and doesn't interrupt and when I am finished he doesn't tell me I am wrong or that I need to apologise. He gets it and it feels like a weight has been lifted. So much so that I make it through the rest of the day with out punching someone.  

"Har-pa!" Emma happily climbs onto my lap later, I have just showered after an intense boxing session and planned to pig out on the couch with a book. "'ead?"

"Yeah, you want me to read to you?"

"Yes!" She happily cuddles into me and I relish the feeling of her warmth curled up against me. She is so willingly to share her love and it is infectious. A few minutes after we finish our 5 stories I hear Alena come into the door and two seconds later into the room. "Mama!"  Stepping on my stomach and causing me to wheeze in pain. Alena looks exhausted as she cuddles Emma.  I frown, sitting up and patting the seat.

"You okay?" I ask after Emma has left to go and fetch another book and Alena leans into the chair. "You look exhausted." She gives me a tired smile but I see through it. "What is it?" I have been so consumed with my own issues I never realised how tired she really looks. 

"I think Emma is teething because she is not sleeping at night. " 

"Want me to take a night shift?" I ask reaching over and squeezing her hand.

"You would do that?" 

"Of course." I nod as Emma comes back and crawls on her mothers lap. "I happen to like the little Emma-bear."  

Alena sighs, pulling her hair up into a bun, her neck, stretching and I admire the smoothness of her skin. Even in her exhaustion she is beautiful "Stop looking at me like that." Her words have no bite and I merely grin, shrugging in apology. I can't help but stare at her. "So? Change beds tonight?" I ask folding my legs under me and closing my book. "It's Friday night and thanksgiving weekend, you are going to need your rest."

"What do you guys do on Thanksgiving?" I ignore the fact that she has not answered my question and answer hers. 

"Normally my cousins from my moms side come over, along with her parents and my dads mom. then we all play baseball outside and eat far too much food. "

"Not football?" I shake my head, matching her smile as I lean over to move a piece of hair that is escaping her bun. Her eyes follow my movements as I reply.

"Everyone loves baseball far too much, I was also thinking maybe tomorrow we could do our thing?"

"Our thing?" She knows what I mean but by the glint in her eyes I know she wants me to say it. 

"Well, I thought we could ask mom to take Paisley to dance and then I could take you-" I pause, knowing date etiquette "Well to a surprise?" 

"A surprise?" I nod and she searches my face "You sure? with everything going on-"

"-Yes," I rush before she can change her mind "I am sure."

"Okay." Her lips lift in a small smile "But then you really are going to have to take a night shift because I can't be exhausted on our date." My cheeks colour  and I can tell she intended to embarrass me because her fingers brush over the warmth, lips smirking. "So easy."

"Shut up." I mutter, reaching into my pocket and pulling out a red vine, forgetting that Emma is in the room, just needing my fix. I regret it two seconds later when the vine is ripped from my mouth and promptly placed in the toddlers mouth. Alena bursts out in laughter as I pout at the toddler and bury myself in the sofa. Pretending to cry. I needed that.