Proposal ; beomgyu (completed)

xviii.

2023.
22 years

"I don't wanna", she didn't even let the covers down. It was her safe space, buried inside the covers on the room Yeonjun and Soobin had added for her in their home.

"C'mon, you haven't even tried my amazing jjigae", Soobin complained and she just let the covers fall a little. "C'mon!", he let himself fall on top of her and she smiled a bit. "There's that beautiful smile".

"I don't really feel like going, though. Tell the little devils that I am sick or something, today I can't with them".

"Was it that bad?", Soobin asked. Junoh pursed her lips and sighed, not even wanting to go deep into what had happened that night. "You haven't told us anything about last night, and if you keep secrecy we won't be able to help you".

"I don't think you can help this time, oppa", she replied and then tried not to have her heart shattered again.

She had done this to herself. She was the one who had turned Beomgyu down. She was the one who had chosen this. But it still hurt.

It hurt because she felt like a second choice. It hurt because he had told her all those beautiful fairytales but still wasn't available to love her fully. It hurt because it didn't feel fair.

Life was not fair.

Junoh had loved Beomgyu for so long –it almost felt like she had loved him ever since they first met– and still, the universe had managed to scramble her, him and the other girl in a love triangle that wasn't really a triangle, but a line going from him to his girlfriend, and Junoh trying to figure out where she fit.

She didn't. Not there. Not with him. And that really hurt. Because all her life a little hope had grown into a big dream of her and Beomgyu being together at the end. Telling each other they were in love with the other and having a happy ever after.

But happy ever after didn't seem to come to the kid whose dad had killed himself and mom had died of cancer, who had fled the country because her own thoughts were tempting her to follow her father's footsteps, and who had almost given up on herself.

Maybe this was the way the universe was punishing her for being a brat in the past.

She spent the rest of the day in bed, curled up inside the covers and scrolling through Pinterest. She felt numb, but at the same time a million emotions flooded through her mind and heart.

Junoh would stay there until it didn't feel as bad. She couldn't do anything else, to be honest.

Last night had been so magical so... it had been a dream. And she had forced herself to wake up.

Oh, how she loved Beomgyu. And how she wished he loved her back.

"Okay, this is enough", the door slammed open and she jumped in her place, completely not expecting him to walk into her room. "You look like a mess, smell like a mess, and radiate mess energy, and we are doing a cleansing", he tore the covers away.

"Huening Kai, if you don't want to die you'll step away from my comfort bed".

"I will do so once we go get ice cream and talk", he commanded. "And definitely after you shower, the germs in this fucking place must be reproducing at an alarming rate just because of your petrifying smell".

"You little sh...", she just squinted her eyes at him and sighed. He was not giving up. She knew him too well to have an ounce of hope in him leaving her alone.

Huening Kai was a very stubborn guy. And it was something she loved about him, but also something she really detested at other times. Times like this one.

She hopped in the shower and after what felt like forever, she was inside her dongsaeng's car, being driven around Seoul.

"Stop giving me the silent treatment and spill the tea", he parked but didn't get off the car. "If Soobin and Yeonjun hyungs called me it's because you seriously need some cheering up".

"Yeah, you could say so", she pressed her head to the window and sighed. "It's Beomgyu".

"Okay, that much I had already figured out by myself", he made her smile a bit.

They had ice cream. She walked by his side, sliding her arm in his and it was all... it made her feel better. Somehow the memories of the past brought comfort to her. Even when some of those were filled with pain, the way her loved ones had always cared for her made her heart warm.

She was very lucky.

"So you just said "fuck it" and left him there?"

"Basically, but he drove me home", she looked into his eyes and sighed. She knew that look.

"I'm sure you guys can work it out", he smiled.

"I wouldn't be so sure".

"Why? Because of another girl? When he's always loved you? It's obvious that you guys will end up together, you're meant to be".

"You're such a dreamer".

He shrugged.

"It wouldn't make sense any other way. You guys have always found your way to each other, it's like some kind of twisted gravity that just binds you together. Like your own weird red string of fate".

"More like red string of pain", she rolled her eyes.

"Now you are a pain", he rolled his eyes too. "I think you are just scared to face the truth".

"And that would be...?"

"That he has always loved you".

"Sure", she shrugged.

"Why don't you believe so?"

"Because I'm not good enough. I've never been good enough. I don't think I'll ever be. He's just so perfect and I am so... me".

"Which is why he loves you".