Him, Her And Everything In Between

1

I'd rather regret the choice I made than regret the choice I didn't

*.*.*

"I want a divorce."

"Divorce?"His voice held no surprise it was a topic I brought up a lot recently, one that was considered a crime by half of my family. One he hated"I thought we already spoke about this."he added flattening his suit and looking at himself in the mirror.

I stood up from the bed and walked towards him standing beside him. I flinched when I noticed the bruise forming on my right cheek. It looked fresh,raw and sensitive to touch. His reflection stared back at me and I sighed before making him face me. I silently reached for his tie, knotting it into place before making eye contact with him.

"I made my decision Andrew. I already talked to my lawyer and signed the papers.."I stated before adding."and I honestly don't care what any of you guys have to say about it my mind's been made."

When he remained silent I continued"I'm leaving tomorrow."

"You can't be serious Rian."he said angrily. Eyes narrowing into slits.

"Oh I'm." And indeed I was. I had put this on hold for far too long just because I was scared of the ridicule I would face from my family and his but not anymore. It couldn't go on any longer especially when things were turning physical. "We can't keep living like this Andrew"

"So you think getting a divorce is what's best?"

"Yes and I know you know it too." His head was bowed and his fists clenched tightly causing me to take a step back out of fear. "We both know things between us ended the day Liana took her last breathe."I noticed how his body tensed with the mention of her name. "I...no we can't keep lying to ourselves that things will be fine. Things won't magically go back to normal and I can't deal with this anymore."I said placing a delicate finger to the bruise he not so graciously gifted me with, suppressing a wince.

He grabbed my wrist in a vice grip that I was sure would bruise. He was silent for a moment before he finally spoke up in a hard tone."Don't bring her up." He said pushing my hand down with unnecessary force.

I scoff running shaky hands through my wild curls silently wishing I could hit him.He was doing it again avoiding the real issue. My hands itched for a smoke as my anger flared through my veins.

"I'll bring her up as much as I like Drew and you can't change the fact that she's your daughter."I voiced angrily.

"She's our daughter Rian."he corrected putting emphasis on our,his eyes were cold as he spoke his next words "but she's not here anymore."

I sighed ignoring the aching feeling that settled in my chest. He was right she wasn't here anymore and she wasn't coming back but that didn't mean I would keep living a lie for a life.

"Just sign the goddamn papers Andrew."I said as I walked out of the room. I reached for a cigarette before heading for the door lighting it up and placing it between my lips relishing in the way the smoke filled up my lungs..

*.*.*

Morning light peeked through the window. I stared at the packed suitcase on the bed letting out a sigh as a flash from the first time I came here finds it's way to the front of my mind.

How it was odd and all new at the start but then slowly became familiar.

I grab my phone off the bed grabbing my luggage not wanting my mind to swim with memories of all that happened but freeze up once my hand touches the door knob. I take one last glance at the picture on the night stand, a sad smile taking over my lips.

I just stood there and thought about whether to take it with me but ended up deciding against it. I needed to get out and leave them behind no matter how painful it was. The smiling faces blur as my eyes fill with tears I didn't want to let flow.

Wiping away any remnants of them I look away and walk out the door shutting it tight before I can change my mind. They'd be so disappointed in me. They'd hate me for this. She'd probably convince me to stay. Tell me shit would get better but I know deep down it won't.

I've stayed like this long enough I can't keep living in a house filled with memories of them cause i know damn well how much it affects both me and Drew.

The pretence will only eat us up. The constant state of pain and lies was just too much to bear. It will only lead to him hitting me more and me not being fully able to defend myself.

I walked down the same stairs that once held silent conversations of passion, cursing myself for letting my mind dwindle into fractions of my past.

My pace fastened only halting at the scene infront of me. I wasn't surprised though, it was something I always witnessed. Something that made me want a divorce more and more every time I did.

Andrew stood in front of the portrait. it filled the length of the wall. Two smiling faces stared back at me with only one being truly joyed and the other faking it as best as she could. The emptiness that filled the oldest one's eyes always seemed to be the one thing that caught my attention, was that how I looked now? My black eyes showing nothing but..emptiness.

Another sigh escaped my lips causing him to glance at me his eyes wondered over to the luggage I had but his face remained stoic before his attention drifted back to the portrait.

I stared at him and the portrait one last time before reaching for my phone to call myself an Uber as I headed for the exit.

"Your really gonna leave like that."his voice had taken a cold tone but I was used to it at this point.

I didn't even spare him a glance when I replied and kept walking" Yes I'm we already had this discussion."...

"Do you think she'd be happy with you walking out just like that.. like nothing happe-"

"Stop it Drew."I cut him off. "You can't just emotionally blackmail me to stay. So what if all she wanted was for us to be a happy little family. We both know we can't be that anymore...we never were."

I saw anger flash through his eyes he ran his hands through his hair, silently pacing before stopping and glaring at me with so much hatred.

"You promised Rian, you promised me and her that this would never happen and now after all we've been through."he stated angrily.

"Don't you dare bring Lora into this, infact you have no right to bring any of them up as an excuse to keep me here."

"It isn't an excuse Rian. I thought you were different from the rest she did too that's why we chose you that's why we thought that this would work out but I guess we were wrong."

"And whose fault is that huh,you can't just go ahead and pretend like your not at fault too. You can't just hit me whenever you feel like you can't handle your damn emotions Drew."

"It was an accident Rian."

"Accident!! it happened ten fucking times Drew ten fucking times..There's no way in hell the last nine times were an accident." I spat out angrily.

He opened his mouth ready to speak but I cut him off.."Don't."

"I can't even go back to my own family cause guess what they'll chose you over me Drew because you turned them against me all because Liana died. I've tried my level best to keep this together but I just can't anymore..okay. I can't do this I can't pretend like you don't still think about her every single second Drew." my eyes turning towards the portrait with sad eyes.

"I can't pretend you still love me Drew, because we both know that ain't true."he stared at me with a blank expression on his face.

I didn't wait for his reply as I exited the building my mind filled with thoughts on how I ended up like this..