Him, Her And Everything In Between

6

Hana stares at her food with a frown on her face and I watch Klay push his back and forth. It's been a hectic couple of days and it's been different since he found out I was pregnant.

"I'm going to Drew's today. I gotta return something."I said, pushing my plate of unfinished food away before getting up, this caused them to look up at me.

"You want us to come with you." Hana inquires.

"No. I'll be okay "

"Are you sure?" Okay interjects his question dripping with concern. I look at him and smile.

"I'll be fine."

"Ok."

Klay doesn't say a single word to me. He's been even more quiet lately. The drive to Drew's apartment is short and when I walk in his standing looking at the same portrait. The one I had taken weeks without seeing.

"So, you've finally come to your senses and returned." He remarked as he turned to face me, eyes scanning me from head to toe and then around me as if looking for something.

"I'm not here to stay Andrew."

"Then why are you here Rian?" His tone is cold, he swirls the wine in his glass cup as he stares at me with a narrowed gaze.

"I wanted to return something and also about the papers. I'm hoping you signed them."

"And if I didn't sign them?" He said gulping the rest of his drink down and walking to stand in front of me.

"I would advise you to." I say getting the ring out of my hoodie pocket and handing it to him. He stares at it like it's a foreign object in the palm of his hands.

"That's what I wanted to return. I don't need it anymore." I say as I prepare to leave. I've decided I won't tell him about the baby right now. Not when he's drinking again.

"So, you're just gonna leave?"

"We have nothing else to talk about Drew."

"What about the fact that you're pregnant Rian?" He catches my eye before I look away.

"I don't know what you're talking about Drew." I can feel my heart racing as I take a few steps back.

"Oh, you thought I didn't know. Well a little birdy told me. When I tried to call you last time you didn't answer your phone so I called Hana instead and trust me she had quite a lot to say ." I gaped at him. Why would she-

"We both know the baby is mine.You wanna keep it away from me just like you took Liana."he adds on once I stay silent.

I was stunned by his accusations and what he admitted. Was this why Hana was acting weird?

"I was gonna tell you."

"Sure you were."He rolled his eyes as he turned his back to me.

"Andrew I'm sorry"

"Don't."he yells, grabbing my arms and pulling me too close for comfort. "You don't get to act like that, you don't get to leave, then hide the truth and then have the audacity to apologize."

"I am,okay... I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was trying to wrap my head around what was going on. I was scared I didn't know what to do so please ju--."

He pulls me closer and all I see is fury in his eyes. "You're afraid of what Rian huh..afraid it'll end up like Liana. Dead, buried beneath the ground six feet under just like Liana because of you." He screams letting me go.

It happened before I could stop myself, my palm came in contact with his cheek leaving a stinging feeling behind once they collided.

I stumble back from Drew who looked furious before letting out an evil chuckle.

"All you are is a drunk Rian, a smoking drunk who caused the death of her own child."He yells, taking a step towards me with every word till I'm backed against a wall.

He tips my chin up, glaring at me, his grip firm I hoped it didn't bruise."and that's all you will ever be."He lets go and I push past him and run out of the apartment with my heart in my throat..

*.*.*

Drew's words ring in my head in an endless loop. It wasn't fair to blame me, it wasn't right that I accepted it. I hated how much his words got to me.

It's been two days since that interaction and for the past two days I spent hours trying to get my mind to stop but it didn't.it couldn't.

That day wasn't my fault. I wasn't always like this. It's not my fault she's dead but why does it feel like it is. I stare at the bottle of pills in my hand before my eyes meet my reflection. The woman in the mirror looks exhausted and defeated. The bruise that once stood out faded like it was never there like it never happened.

Will it be like it never happened once I take the drugs, once it's done, once I'm gone.

"What are you doing Rian?"The bottle falls from my hand as I startle turning to face a wide eyed Klay.

I stared at him at a loss of words. He wasn't supposed to be back for another hour or two. Why was he already back?

"I-i..I can't have this baby."I whisper out slowly.

"What? What are you talking about Rian?"

"I've been thinking and I thought that maybe I could but I can't." I'm a drunk. A smoker, it's better off not being here.

"You can't be serious."he steps closer causing me to flinch. His eyebrows pinch together in worry.

He grabs the bottle of pills from the floor before reading the label and his eyes meet mine in a flash "You're not aborting it Ri."

"It's my choice Klay."

"I know but it's not right."he states calmly.

"It's my body Klay you don't decide shit for me." I all but scream at him.

"And you think I don't fucking know that Rian. I do okay.. but you need to cool down and re-think this. This isn't fair to the baby."

"I can't have his baby Klay, I just can't."

"I know you're scared, Rian. I see it in your eyes and it's not just because of the thought of having his baby." Klay said, picking his words carefully."But you can't just take a life just like that, it's not right, it's not fair to that poor soul they haven't seen a single ray of light and they are already being punished for something they didn't even do."

I stayed silent cuz he was right. I couldn't take a life just because I was scared but how could I bring this baby into my corrupted world and raise it when I barely managed to raise her right.

"I'm a terrible person Klay. I've been drinking, smoking.I wasn't taking care of myself. I wasn't taking care of the baby."

"You didn't know-"

"I can't do this again. I can't lose another child Klay..not again." My voice came out weak and broken, cracking at the end as I started to cry.

My knees start to wobble and soon enough Klay's hands wrap around me as he whispers sweet nothings into my ear. My sobs became louder and louder till the point I couldn't breathe. He held me and didn't let go even after I stopped.

"It's okay."he whispered but it wasn't. Nothing was okay.

"He knows Klay. Andrew knows about the baby and he was mad. Hana told him everything, why would she do that to me? He said some stuff and I hit him and it was all just one big mess."I say too quickly fumbling with my words.

"Shhh it's okay. Everything will be okay. We're gonna figure it out. We'll deal with Andrew later but for now we need to focus on you. I'll set up an appointment to see a doctor, okay?"I silently looked at him before nodding slowly. I couldn't do anything else but agree to what he had suggested.