"I will come find you in my next life. It will be the only thing on my mind. We will be together then, I promise."
"But I want you in this life. Why don't you get it?"
In which a girl mistakes the suicide hotline for the number of yang jungwon, a ri...
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ji's p.o.v
"Ji? What are these?" His words rang through my head as I let out a groan, falling backwards onto my bed.
My head started to ache, "Nothing."
"Those aren't nothing." His disoriented words made me shut my eyes close. It sounded like he was close to breaking out in tears. Again. "Please tell me the truth. Why...are you taking them?" He would continue, while I tried my best to seem unbothered, shrugging.
I had two options. Give in to my bad headache and black out while he is still in my home, leaving him alone and confused.
Or tell him the truth.
I decided to go for the latter, "I, uh, I got these prescribed...a while ago." I wasn't lying.
His gaze softened as I watched relief wash over his face. It made me smile weakly.
"Yeah." I scoffed slightly, closing my eyes again. I didn't sit up, "Two years ago." I would add casually, internally preparing myself for his reaction.
"What?!" There it was. I heard him take a few steps towards me, "Two years ago? And you are still taking them?"
"I just liked the feeling of being fine." I would say, "Is it that wrong? With these...it feels like I can let go for a while."
"Don't..tell me you-"
"Yes." My eyes opened, as I found him still in my room, his hand holding tightly onto my medications, "I can't go on without them anymore." Things happened too fast. From chronically depressed to functioning like a normal human being. It was too good to be true.
"Antidepressants. Not the strongest ones, but enough for me to get addicted to them." It took me effort to speak out those words, "For some reason my body hasn't gotten used to them just yet."
"Ji." His voice was serious. Too serious. This conversation sounded so similar to past conversations that I wanted to scream, "I'm sorry, just-Please don't take them anymore."
"If it were that easy..." I muttered, breathing in sharply. Exhaling deeply afterwards, I relaxed my shoulders, "Anything else you want to know?"
"This isn't...right."
"I know." Conversations like these always ended and went by in the same pattern, "Please, Jungwon. I know. I know it all. But I can't stop. Not now, when-
I'm so tired."
Jungwon stayed quiet at this. I couldn't bear to look at him, I felt ashamed. And the nausea wasn't helping either. The side effects of the medications were bad, but not bad enough for me to stop taking them. I'd rather feel sick for my whole life than feel empty. Hollow. Sad.
