Slipping Through My Fingers | Xicheng

Chapter 19

I am troubled by the thoughts that swirl inside my head

The memories that haunt me and the demons I can't shed

I am a prisoner of my own mind, trapped in this inner hell

Trapped by the trauma and the pain that I can't dispel

I try to run, to hide, to escape from all this fear

But wherever I go, it's always there, always near

I can't seem to find the peace that I so desperately seek

I'm lost in this darkness, unable to find my way out, unable to speak

But still I hold on, still I try to fight

Hoping that someday, somehow, I'll see the light

I know that I'm stronger than the troubles that plague me

And I'll keep on fighting until I am finally free.

***

Jiang Cheng wasn't the only one who used Xu Ping's help. Ren Tian also did it. The man helped him to stop looking at Lan Xichen as if he was his mortal enemy. They weren't back to their normal father-son relationship, but the situation became neutral, without Ren Tian shooting daggers at the man with his eyes. A-Tian was even able to talk to him for a couple of minutes and not get angry, well, at least not at the mere sight of him.

Although Ren Tian was able to maintain a facade of civility, he was still deeply troubled and struggling to keep his negative emotions in check. Truth be told, he felt very broken inside. Every negative emotion he felt over the years, since childhood till now, threatened to come out at once if he didn't retain his composure. He was scared of letting that happen, of being that vulnerable.

Ren Tian stood at the edge of the lotus pond, his eyes fixed on the calm water. This was the same pond where his father had tried to drown himself, just a few months ago. Ren Tian remembered the terror he had felt when he found out about that painful incident.

His father's suicide attempt had shaken him to the core, and he couldn't shake the feeling that maybe he had been too focused on his own duties and not enough on his father's well-being, especially knowing how much it hurt to be away from the one you love for an extended period of time. Did he miss the signs? Were there any at all? Those and many other questions kept him up at night, not allowing him to have any rest.

For the past couple of months, it was rare for him to have a full-night sleep. He had terrible nightmares. Nightmares that showed him images of his father's lifeless body floating on the surface of the lotus pond. Ren Tian's imagination ran wild in the aftermath of those horrific dreams, and he frequently dashed to the bank of the pond in the middle of the night, in his night robes. He wasn't even able to imagine what Jin Ling felt, and he was the one that found Jiang Cheng.

Xu Ping told him that all those nightmares and negative thoughts will disappear, he just needs some time to heal. They all do.

***

The day of his wedding came sooner that he thought it would. The preparation and his duties took up all of his time, he barely had time for his beloved. A-Shan understood. He himself was quite busy, traveling between Yunmeng and Qinghe. Sect Leader Nie was adamant that his wedding robes had to be made there. In Ren Tian's opinion it paid off, because his husband looked stunning, standing before him in their marital quarters.

It was like looking at a painting. A masterpiece. He couldn't turn his eyes in a different direction, as if someone was holding his head steadily. Moving closer to him, just enough for their noses to touch, A-Tian caressed his husband's cheek. Husband, it's such a beautiful word. Beautiful as his whole being.

"I love you, my butterfly." He planted a kiss on his forehead, looking back down, straight into his eyes.

"Where do you think that this sweet talking will take you?" He asked teasingly, unraveling the belt of A-Tian's robes.

"To heaven and beyond perhaps," he pecked his cheek.

He trailed his hands from A-Shan's face to his neck, slowly leaning down and sucking the sensitive skin of his neck. That extracted a moan from the man, making him proud of himself. He pushed his husband's robes aside and started planting kisses along his exposed collarbone.

"I love you, my heart."

Just in a matter of seconds they laid tangled in the sheets, their bodies glistening with sweat. They couldn't help but feel a deep sense of love and appreciation for one another, even though they had been together for years, the intensity of their passion never seemed to fade.

Ren Tian leaned in and gently pressed his lips to his husband's neck, making him shiver with pleasure. A-Shan turned his head to capture the lips of his lover, their tongues dancing together.

They moved together as one, each touch and caress filled with tenderness and affection. They explored each other's bodies with a sense of wonder and discovery, always learning something new about the person they loved.

As they reached the pinnacle of pleasure, they held each other tight, the love between them radiating outward. And in that moment, they knew that their bond was unbreakable and eternal.

***

Our souls, entwined together

In love, we shall forever

Be bound, a love so true

Soulmates, forever me and you

From the moment we first met

Our hearts, they didn't fret

For we knew, deep down inside

That our love would never hide

Through trials and tribulations

We stand tall, a united nation

For our love, it knows no bounds

It cannot be broken, nor can it be found

Soulmates, a love so rare

I am grateful to have you, my dear

Forever and always, by my side

Together, our love will forever reside