Prepared To Hate You

The Lie

"Okay."

Namjoon looks at her in surprise, hope shining in his eyes. Jungkook turns to her with a very serious expression.

"Do you want me to stay? Or I can get Yoongi-Hyung?"

She hesitated. She didn't think it was a good idea for Jungkook to be around, considering his hotheaded reaction before, but did she want Yoongi to be there instead?

"No, it's okay, but can we use your studio?"

She didn't want to have this conversation in her studio, her safe space, and have it tinted by the incident.

"Of course! Let's go."

The three of them walked down the hall to Jungkook's studio. The Maknae left them after opening the door. He and Namjoon stared at each other for a moment before Jungkook left as if they were having a silent conversation.

Once they were alone, they both stood there awkwardly. She rung her hands while she waited for Namjoon to start talking. The leader rubbed the back of his neck.

"I want to start by saying how sorry I am about what I did that day. I never should have forced myself on you and I promise it will never happen again."

She stared at him for a moment, trying to judge his sincerity before nodding.

"Do you remember the first time we worked together? We were all annoyed about having a new person join the group, someone that we didn't even have any say on. When I was told to work with you on songs for our album I - I thought it was going to end up being twice as much work for me, but... You really impressed me."

"What?"

"Yeah. You had some really good ideas. I kind of expected you to be clueless, but you had - have - a really good understanding of songwriting. And... And I thought that we worked really well together."

"Wow... Thank you?"

"I think that's when it began. You know how difficult it is to find someone when you're in this industry. Someone who can accept what it means to be with an Idol. It's not easy. Um, not only would you understand, but you are talented and hardworking and beautiful. My ideal type of girl."

There was a pause while she processed what Namjoon had just said and he thought about his next words.

"But... I don't wear red converse?"

"Ha, yeah... I've grown up since then, although apparently not as much as I thought. I - I've been feeling lost, about who I am, what my purpose is... I think I got it into my head that what I was missing was being in a relationship. Somehow that got projected onto you and I thought that you could make me feel, um, better? More present? Alive, perhaps? Anyway, when I kissed you I realised that I didn't actually feel that way about you. I wanted to, but I was essentially lying to myself. I can't apologise enough. Everything about this is wrong and I'm so, so sorry. My only hope is that, at the very least, you will feel comfortable enough to work with me in a professional capacity again."

It took her a few minutes to reply. She felt relieved that he wasn't interested in her that way. Worried about what he said about feeling lost. Angry that he caused all this trouble unnecessarily.

"You should know that you were my Idol, long before I came here. Getting to work with you was a dream come true, it felt like a privilege... That only made it all the more hurtful when you acted this way. You broke the image I had of you. You - you lost my respect."

Namjoon's head dropped, and his eyes closed to try and erase the disappointed expression on her face from his mind. He was alarmed when a pair of arms wrapped around him.

"But if I've learnt anything over the past year, it's to remember that we are only human, we make mistakes, and we deserve to be forgiven. You're a good person, Namjoon. I still believe that."