Anastasia

Eleven

Anastasia actually liked Austin.

She did.

He was entirely different than she assumed.

Listening to his story showed her the truth about the man.

Though he didn't see it, he was pure.

In a few ways, he reminded her of a child with his optimism and easy ways.

He saw the world as it was and still seemed to love it and others well.

He was an admirable man. In need of a few etiquette lessons, but he was admirable.

And, in the few times they'd been together, he didn't try a thing. His motives were pure as was his heart.

She liked that about him.

She understood why Dominic invited him to stay. He was good.

'In a world of Bradleys, Jordans, and Micahs, people like Austin exist.

It's strange to think he was just a man I threatened to stab. Now he's something like a friend.

Hearing his story, my God, it was heartbreaking and it seemed liberating for him.

I wonder if he's been heard?

He seems like he has.

It was nice for me as well.

He indirectly asked about Benjamin and I was okay with it.

I told him about the process, ongoing and painful as it is, and it was nice.

I can say we both listened without prejudice.

God has been whispering for me to be free again. I am free, but not in the way He's noting.

Freedom includes letting go and I know that I'm not ready for that.

He's not asking me to forget Benjamin or even try again.

I honestly don't know what He's asking for. He's been so good and faithful with me these last two years, I should know His heart, but when it comes to Ben, things get fuzzy.

No one would listen.

Still, He healed my heart and mind.

Thankfully, I know He's not in a hurry.

Freedom will be mine entirely, but gradually.

I'm okay with that.'

Anastasia closed her notebook and held it to her chest as she watched the stars dancing in the heavens.

"Freedom means letting go," She whispered. "Letting go means falling," She reclined in her chair and sighed. "But if I fall, will You catch me?"

Yes.

She was sure of it.

But still, the future was blurry and she wasn't sure if falling into it was safe. God would catch her, but the fall was still a fall.

And she didn't know now, but the fall had already begun, and instead of a fear-inducing fall, it was a calming walk.

Gradually into the new. Slowly, but surely.