Against The Tide (Formerly Two Tribes)

51: Rising From The Ashes

Immediately after Jameel left the room, Najah found a little solace in the quietness of her surroundings. The room seemed frozen in time, as if it too mourned the absence of the life that once emanated from within her.

More tears prickled Najah's eyes as her hand instinctively cradled her empty womb. It felt so strange to her knowing there wasn't a life growing inside her anymore. She blamed herself for not rushing to the hospital immediately after the pain started. She had thought it was something mild and would go away after she had rested.

The weight of her sorrow pressed heavily upon her fragile shoulders, as she found herself immersed in a sea of self-blame. "I'm sorry, my baby," she choked on a sob. "I should have protected you but I failed to. My carelessness and nonchalance is the reason you're not here with me right now. Maybe you were taken away from me because you deserve a better mother."

In the depths of her despair, she began to question every decision she had made. "Why didn't I just Afrah for help? This would not have happened." She swallowed a huge painful lump in her throat. Her mind became a battleground where regret and guilt fought for dominance.

She could do nothing but shed tears.

"Najah..." Jameel's voice filled her head. His presence wasn't noticed until he spoke although she didn't acknowledge it.

"Najah," Jameel called again. "Sit up. Have something to eat. I brought you food."

Najah shook her head.

"But you have to eat. Come on, sit up." Jameel urged.

"I'm not hungry." She replied, wiping her tears away with her fingers.

"To regain your strength, you have to eat. Even if it's a little."

"I. Said. I. Am. Not. Hungry!" Najah enunciated every word. "Please, Jameel, don't try to force me."

"I will force you if I have to. I'm not even joking. Sit up, Najah, it's you that I am waiting for."

Not because she wanted to, but because Jameel was serious, Najah obeyed him.

She stared blankly at the plate of food in front of her. The aroma of the meal should have been enough to make her mouth water, but instead, it made fresh tears well up in her eyes. How could she eat comfortably after failing to protect her baby? It felt like she was about to commit the biggest of crimes. She couldn't help but think about the dreams and hopes that she had for her child that had just been lost. Moving on seemed impossible. The pain, coupled with her guilt had robbed her of her appetite.

Jameel held the spoonful of rice close to her mouth. "Open."

She shook her head. Food was the last thing on her mind as she was stuck in a state of grief.

"Najah," Jameel called, frustrated. "Please open. I know you don't want to eat right now, but you have to regain your strength. If not for yourself, do it for me. Do you know how worried I am for you? Don't do this." He implored.

She sighed softly.

"Just a few bites," he propelled.

Jameel's persistence made Najah relent; her mouth opening on its own accord.

She took a small bite of the bland food. The satisfaction she once found in food eluded her. Chewing it felt like a chore, but she did not mind, as it was a sacrifice she had to make to please her husband.

"Thank you!" Jameel smiled and brought the spoonful of food to her mouth again.

As Najah forced herself to continue eating what Jameel was feeding her, she felt a glimmer of gratitude for his persistence. How worried he was for her when she refused to eat, and how he cracked a smile when she finally relented meant everything to her. His actions made her find a flicker of hope just when she thought she had lost all. It was a reminder that even in her darkest moments, she was not alone. She had Jameel. She had her husband with her.