Watermelons With Anxiety

Loving is easy

I find it very difficult to say "I love you". Not because I lack said emotion, not because I do not understand what I feel, but because saying it out loud is alien to me.

I started wondering why we make loving such a big deal, in the sense that it's supposed to be grandiose, loud and proud, and loaded with sacrifice in kind.
But loving can be as quiet as a "get home safe" text, or someone leaving you a cup of juice and Tylenol for your headache while you were asleep. Or as quiet as a well needed hug during tough times.
But what is scary about loving? Well, saying it out loud, with truthfulness (because people lie), is like showing someone your Achilles heel. It's tender, please don't hurt it. And it comes with expectations that you may never get to know about, but will be held accountable for.

Loving only hurts us when we are not loved the way we want to be loved. Shitty, eh?

I started substituting the word 'love' with 'care'. I mean, aren't they the same? The way you care for yourself is not the same way you care for a pet, nor is it the same way you care for your friends etc.
But it's care, nonetheless. We don't quantify it as much as we do with love. And that, to me, is good enough.
Caring just... happens. Not enough thought goes into it for it to become selfish. I care because I care. And that may be all there is to know.

"I care about you" comes easy to me, and so far, everyone I have expressed this honestly to, has received it with everything I wanted that phrase to give.

Dare I say, caring for someone or something is easy?

With that said, I hope you take care of yourself.
It is 2:51am as I write, and I hope good things come to you.
Until next time, mon ami(e).