Watermelons With Anxiety

Hope

hope
verb
UK /həʊp/ US /hoʊp/
to want something to happen or to be true, and usually have a good reason to think that it might
- Cambridge Dictionary

hopeless
adjective
/hōp′lĭs/
giving no reason to expect good or success : giving no ground for hope
incapable of solution, management, or accomplishment
incapable of redemption or improvement
- Merriam-Webster

nothing
adjective
the absence of all magnitude or quantity
-Merriam-Webster
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If you have stuck around, you'll know I have quite a relationship with words. And, I would like to introduce you to intentionality; intentionality to try to completely understand what it is you say.
Lately I have had my mind wandering, mostly in thoughts of loss, and hope, and hopelessness.
I put those definitions up there to build a foundation for us to both understand the meaning and implications of these words.

I won't bore you with details, but the conclusion I came to in the shower -because that is the pinnacle for human thoughts- was that what I was doing, was similar to having a cake and crying that I will never eat it again. But the cake is sitting there, and if I take too long wallowing over its absence in its presence, it will rot. And I will lose it completely without ever enjoying it.
I will leave that to your own understanding.

But what does that have to do with anything? Well, we will get there.

Isn't it funny how we say "it's the least I can do", when we do something kind and successful, but say "it's the best I can do" when there is a sense of hopelessness?
Hopelessness to me, is a silent, and intimately vicious state.
Very unlike sadness and happiness that usually have a blueprint, hopelessness doesn't have one.

Imagine being in a state where you have a complete absence of wanting something good/better because there is no reason to expect it.
Believe it, or not, there are people who live like this.
And unfortunately, I don't have an answer to this, nor do I have a solution.

I hope you find hope. Not externally, but internally. I wish in a desperate and caring way that you see there is more to life than this.
I hope you find hope, in a way that will not destroy you, in a way that gives you reasons to hope.
You are capable of dreaming, of wanting better, and doing great things.
A great thing can be as simple as wanting to live another day, that maybe tomorrow will be better. And if it's not, at least you survived it and you can try again.

I will not stand here and pretend it is easy, but I hope it gets easier for you.

Part of you so desperately wants to live, don't let it die.

Tis 2:07am, I have work in 5 hours. It's going to be a long day.
Til next time, mon ami(e)