Watermelons With Anxiety

Don't Nuke It

deconstruct
/verb/
1. to take apart or examine (something) in order to reveal the basis or composition often with the intention of exposing biases, flaws, or inconsistencies
2. destroy. Demolish

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Being human is so difficult. You have to not only deal with the complexity of your emotions and thoughts, but also understanding your surroundings and intentionally staying alive. Now add other humans to that equation.

When dealing with difficulty, struggle, challenges or facing failure, one thing I find is recurrent is sometimes we choose the option to just self-destruct, and sometimes mistake this for deconstruction.
Notice how there's a fine line between destruction and deconstruction? The difference is in the reasons, or intentions. But we will get back to this.

You have this thing you are/have been working on. Could be a passion project, fitness, a relationship, a business, or an assignment. Something goes wrong, and your immediate reaction is to -for lack of better words- fuck everything up.
I already failed this one thing. Why even bother? I didn't stick to my diet, I'm just going to stop working out altogether. I can't get this one detail right, I'll just not finish it. I've only achieved so little, what am I even doing? Ah, I said I wouldn't do this thing anymore and I have lapsed, what's one more time? I'm already a failure.

It's too easy to fall into this mindset. I know I have. I've heard "Do it well or don't do it at all" so many times. Enough times that it took me too long to realize that this way of thinking got in the way of a lot of things; I'd rather not submit an assignment if I wasn't sure I would finish it or if it might not be all the right answers, I don't even try to do anything unless I know I have a 100% chance at success. See how unrealistic that is?
There's this saying that is common between artists: Imperfect finished work is better than perfect unfinished work.

Contrary to popular belief, people will appreciate effort. Even if your work is wrong, you can still get a couple points that may be the difference between a pass and a fail. Even if that project doesn't turn out as you wanted, you still made something with your hands and crafted it with your soul essence, and it's beautiful.
Sure, you didn't stick to your diet today. You did good for 2 weeks, or 2 days. You are 2 weeks or 2 days closer to your goal. Don't add more work to yourself.

Even if no one is there to cheer you on, that thing you are working so hard on, be it yourself or something else, remember that most things require a great deal of patience.
It is said that Rome wasn't built in a day, neither were the pyramids. Instant gratification is usually gone as fast as it comes. Time will pass anyway, with or without you. So don't discredit your efforts.
Let the drops of water accumulate. Let it fill your cup. If it can fill a cup, it can fill a bucket, and if it can fill a bucket, surely, with the right amount of patience, it will fill what you need it to.Don't let your hard work go to waste.
You have worked so hard, and I am sorry you failed this once and you feel shame for it. It will only be shameful to not keep trying.

Deconstruction is with the aim to analyze, learn what went well, and what didn't. But this can never happen if nothing was ever built. An entity is only the sum of its parts.
When need be, deconstruct, don't destroy.
Don't nuke it.

Tis 11:31pm.I started writing this in February. Only just finished it. I'm going to bed now

Until next time, mon ami(e)