To My Beloved Oppressor

Chapter 13

Heiner looked puzzled like someone who doubted his ears. Clenching her fists in her lap, Annette spoke again.

"You must think I'm really, really crazy." (A)

She felt strangely empty, though, in this situation she should grab him by the shoulders and string together a few words of resentment.

Annette lowered her head and then raised it again.

"It must be so. If you pretend to be in love with a woman you hate and disgust......... that woman is a fool for loving you too, so you can laugh at her for doing so." (A)

She gave a small laugh, as if it were really funny. But the laughter soon subsided. Then she continued with a face that had lost its laughter.

"But if it was like that...I'll tell you what I told you three years ago. I will tell you when you have achieved your goal and no longer need to deceive me. I didn't even know that..." (A)

She choked on her emotions. But no tears came out. A tight voice flowed from deep within.

"For three years I have loved you more...." (A)

Heiner's eyes seemed to shake with those words. No, perhaps her vision shook. Annette quietly dropped her gaze.

For three years, her love had been broken countless times, making it hard to tell its original shape.

Frequent crumbling meant often rebuilding. For three years, Annette had often crumbled, and in turn, had often been rebuilt.

He will be back. He will smile again. He will change his mind again. He will whisper kind words again. He will love me again.

How much more must this be repeated?

"Even now."

Heiner broke the silence. He asked in a voice that sounded broken around the edges.

"Even now, do you still love me?"

Annette thought his words were sarcasm or ridicule. It wasn't that kind of tone, but it sounded that way to her anyway, at least.

Annette mumbled with a bitter smile on her face.

"If I say I do, how pathetic am I?" (A)

The stove quietly warmed up the room. Annette's gaze turned to the sheets of the bed and spoke blankly.

"I don't quite know. I loved you the way you pretended to love me. Everything I loved about you turned out to be a lie, so isn't my love a lie too?" (A)

Veins protruded from his hands as they rested on the floor.

Annette remembered the past when she buried her cheek in those hands.

"Now, what's the use of all that...I also think .......... I just can't blame it on love, because the situation I'm in isn't very good." (A)

Would it really be the first time that countless times it had been rebuilt and rebuilt again? Annette wasn't sure. In fact, it didn't even seem important.

"My heart is not particularly useful anyway. Whether I love you or not, nothing will change." (A)

Annette, who had raised her head again, just had a peaceful look on her face. As if she had no past.

"It will never happen again." (A)

"...."

"Never again." (A)

****

As she had vaguely anticipated from the moment they entered the hotel, it seemed that Heiner was planning to stay here for the night.