Silence (Ziall Horlik) AU

Chapter 3

Niall's POV

My body was being shaken gently, waking me up after I must have cried myself to sleep the night before. I rolled over to see my mum looking at me sadly before running her thumbs over my puffy under eyes.

"You didn't tell him you can't hear, did you?" She signed to me. I shook my head and a whole new set of sobs wracked my body. Her arms wrapped around me not even a second later. I could feel her chest vibrating, so I knew she was telling me something to sooth me. I stopped crying and took a few deep breaths before pulling back to look at her.

"Zayn is nice, but he probably won't like me after he finds out I can't actually hear him. I can read his lips so easily, so I didn't want to tell him I couldn't hear!" I told my mum frantically. She nodded to me before placing her hands on my cheeks to calm me down.

"You have your first treatment today, but please don't hide the fact you can't hear until you can hear. You have to be honest with Zayn if you want him to be your friend. You know that, Niall." My mum signed to me. I nodded and thought about the fact I had to go through some type of treatment steps up until I can get the procedure done. I wish I could get it done with now, then pretend like I was never deaf and then Zayn would be my friend. I know my mum said to not do that, but I just don't want to be here alone. He asked me to hang out with him, and I don't want to ruin him being my friend because I'm retarded.

My mum left me to get ready for the four hour drive to the doctor in London. I just put on some sweats and a t-shirt before opening my curtains to let the light in for the rest of the day, even though I wouldn't be here. When I pulled them back, I immediately turned bright red as I saw Zayn rushing around his room in his boxers. He was throwing on clothes as fast as he could while stuffing papers and books into his backpack. I caught a glimpse of his tattoos on his chest and on the back of his neck before I realized this was so wrong to be watching the half naked boy in his room. I guess he still had to get used to closing his curtains, but if he never does learn how I think I'm fine with that too.

I walked out of our house to where my mum was waiting in the car for me. I looked over and saw Zayn running to get into his car before driving off down the road. I smiled because he seems like he would be calm and cool, but I think he's just a flustered mess. I got into my own car and buckled up before leaning my head against the window as we drove off.

Now is when I wish we could have afforded to buy a house in London. I'm not sure how many treatments I have to get before the actual surgery, but all I know is driving back and forth between Bradford and London is going to get annoying really fast. But, money was already tight for us because of the last treatment I went through to try and get my hearing fixed. Those doctors tried allot of things, but they came up with the solution it was more my brain than my ears and they couldn't help me. It was a waste of money for our family because in the end nothing fixed for me and I'm still living in a silent world.

I must have fallen asleep for the rest of the drive because my mum pat my leg to wake me up when we got to the hearing treatment center. I got out of the car and waiting by my door until she came over and guided me through the busy car park. That's how things have always worked since I could remember. No matter how much I looked around myself or how closely I try to feel something coming close to me, it's still dangerous for me to walk through a car park alone. That's also why I can't drive, stay home alone, cook alone or go shopping alone. I need to hear my surroundings for all of those things.

There's always the same answer that people think you get used to being deaf and learn new ways to keep yourself safe. Really, those are all lies. I've been this way my whole life and never have I gotten used to looking over my shoulder every four seconds to make sure I'm not going to get hit by a car or get kidnapped or have someone break into our house. I depend on smell as much as a blind person does and I depend on feeling people looking at me the same as them too. The only thing is I'll never know if the smoke alarm is going off to wake me in the middle of the night so I don't burn to death or knowing if our security alarm is going off if there's an intruder. It's not possible for me to stay safe and have my own independence.