Silence (Ziall Horlik) AU

Chapter 23

Zayn's POV

The next few days passed like everything was going in slow motion. Nothing seemed to be going at the normal pace life usually goes. It was like someone took what makes the world revolve and what makes life worth living. I knew that thing was Niall and there was no way around that answer being true. No matter how long I sat at my window seat and looked out the window or how many pictures of Niall I would draw, there was nothing that made his absence on earth unreal.

I had to force myself to get away from the window seat to get my black suit on for Niall's funeral today. My clothes were literally hanging off me because of the lack of food I had consumed over the last four days. I weakly slipped on my nice black shoes before opening my door for the first time since I locked myself in here. The only way I knew it was Niall's funeral was because my mum told me through the door. Honestly, I didn't want to go because that would feel like too much of a goodbye to him. I wasn't going to say goodbye to him because he was everything to me and I don't want to let my everything go.

Somehow, I was sitting in the back seat of my car just looking down at my tattooed hand. My little sisters were sitting next to me but they seemed to be looking at me differently. They looked at me like I might shatter if they touched me. To be honest, I was already as broken as I could get. You could run over me with a semi truck and I wouldn't feel a thing. Nothing could make me feel anymore pain than I'm feeling now.

When we got to the cemetery where the services would be held as well, my mum held my hand tightly as we walked to where a small crowed of people dressed in black were gathered. My dad took my sisters over to sit down in some chairs that were there. My mum and I walked over to where Maura and Bobby were standing in front of the closed casket. They both looked horrible. Thy looked like they hadn't stopped crying or even had a minute to sleep. But somehow, when they saw me they managed to smile at me and open their arms for me. My mum let me go and pushed me towards them.

"Niall loved you so much. Don't ever think that he didn't." Maura whispered in my ear. I nodded and squeezed my eyes shut because I was so tired of crying. I my eyes burnt all the time and I just felt like I couldn't ever really be strong if I kept crying. But even with me closing my eye sand holding Maura in my arms, my tears still made an appearance. When she let me go I wiped my tears then gave Bobby a good hug. My eyes wandered over to the casket, but my heart didn't want to go over to it so I let my mum take me to sit in the front row of seats.

I took a seat next to Liam. He looked just as horrible as I did. Just when he was about to tell me something, a familiar hand wrapped around my wrist. I turned and saw Louis was dressed in a black suit and Harry was standing behind him looking extremely confused. Louis pulled me into a hug and kissed my cheek before whispering in my ear.

"Harry doesn't understand what's happening. We've all tired to explain things to him, he just doesn't understand." Louis whispered to me. I nodded and let go of the shorter lad. Harry gave me a smile, but when he saw a tear fall from my eyes his smile fell to confusion. I got Harry by the hand and walked him with me to where the casket was. Harry looked at the wooden box then looked at me.

"Niall's in there? Does he need help to get out?" Harry asked me innocently. I shook my head then rested my hand on casket to show Harry to do the same. His large hand rested next to mine as he looked at me for answers.

"Niall is in here, but only his body. He's in heaven now and he can hear everything now. I know this is hard to understand right now, but Niall's not going to be here with us anymore." I told Harry slowly. His green eyes looked at the casket like this was starting to make sense to him. He looked back up to me with his bottom lip quivering ever so slightly.

"He was supposed to get ice cream with me. With sprinkles and our boyfriends come too! Will he come to get ice cream when he's done being in heaven?" Harry asked me as his tears begin to fall. I shook my head and pulled his skinny body into my arms. He cried to me, but I could still tell he was definitely confused. He leaned down and hid his face into my neck as he mumbled that he would be better behaved and would give up all the ice cream in the world if he could have Niall be done in heaven. My heart broke ten times more hearing all his words, but I knew I had to hold it together just a little longer until I could get Harry to calm down. I took him back over to where Louis was sitting next Liam. He pulled Harry into the chair next to him and kissed his tear stained cheeks.