Damaged » h. styles au

Chapter 01 - Harry (Prologue)

warning: this needs editing. i'm working on it and soon i'll start reposting the chapters. please be patient and deal with my annoying mistakes because it does get better through the story.                                                                 

                                                            01.

                                                      ●•Harry•●

It’s not like I should’ve fallen for her. I guess it was pretty obvious that I shouldn’t. But still. It was quite inevitable not to after all the time we spent together; or should I probably say the time I had to make such an effort to get her to stay with me completely against her will. Though I still thought she liked it; she even laughed a few times, her eyes sparkled, maybe. It was just not my fault, I didn’t actually know how it happened, and I definitely wasn’t ready for such a girl like her. She wasn’t easy, and probably she’ll never be, but there were a lot of reasons why she was who she was.

It was just a shame I couldn’t cope with it.

I didn’t even think someday I’d get to change her mind. If I haven’t done that until now I wasn’t going to do it anymore; not anytime soon, at least. I’d already made the mistake of trying to change her once, and it didn’t end up well after all. None of the attempts did, to be quite honest. Probably I just believed I could make that bad personality go away and bring that sweet side to the fore.

Well, I was wrong.

I mean, yes, she had those moments, but it was so rare I was starting to wonder if they even happened. Sometimes I just got to think it was nothing but a dream; all the few good things, you know? It didn’t really feel good once you realized you can’t do anything for the person you want the most. It was devastating. I was so naive to believe there was something I could actually do for her. Well, all I did was fall (and fall really hard) for that annoying and stubborn girl; I lost my time, my sleep, my mind, my rationality and for what? Nothing but a few drinks and laughs along the night, followed by a quick apology and footsteps running out the door.

Still, I couldn’t stop thinking about that broken smile that never reached her eyes; those stunning blue eyes. Couldn’t stop thinking about how soft her skin was, every sporadic moment she allowed me to touch her. I guess that tingling I had were nothing but some stupid feeling I actually got to think were some kind of sign we should be together.

We shouldn’t, it’s crystal clear now.

From the very beginning she warned me; she told me I shouldn’t get close to her, I shouldn’t grow fond of her. But I did, and I definitely wanted to punch me right now. It probably would hurt way less than the feeling of not having her, knowing that she was living her life like if I wasn’t even part of it; not a single part of it. Like we hadn’t gone through so much.

The truth was: she didn’t care. She’d never had, she never would. And deep in my soul, I knew that. But I just thought I could make something to change it. I needed her so much I thought I could make her feel something for me. Truth be told, maybe if I had met her before, something could’ve happened. But I didn’t, and still I insisted in something that was leading to nowhere.

But damn, I wish I could wrap my arms around her and cuddle her to sleep every night; I wish I could kiss her lips and sing her love songs each time she felt down, like she was about to break (and I knew – God, how I knew – how often she felt like that). I wish I could wake her up with kisses and tickles just to see her smiling. At least, I wish I could hate her for all she made me go through, but I just couldn’t. I just couldn’t think of her and feel angry at the same time (not at this point, anyway); I couldn’t feel sorry for spending so much of my time next to her, I couldn’t regret the day I met her, because still, I had some hope I was gonna have her. My rational side told me it was not gonna happen, and so did ninety nine per cent of my broken heart, but that one per cent made me wanna have her and be with her more than I could’ve ever been with someone before.

It just felt so intense and once you realized, you couldn’t stop yourself from going further, getting deeper and deeper each day. I was in love. And I was freaking out. Because I needed her. And there’s something I couldn’t deny. I could even try to lie to myself, but everytime I looked at the mirror I saw the emptiness in my eyes; and I knew why: her. And even if I had another option, I would probably stick with this pain and think about her every single second of my day, because I was so into this feeling I just couldn’t let it go. I hadn’t felt like this for so long – so long – and it was like I needed that pain to make sure I was alive. She made me feel alive again. That rebel, delinquent and fearless girl made me feel. The worst feelings I could probably feel, but still.

It was just so frustrating, though.

I wouldn’t change her mind. I doubted I’d ever make her mine, but it was past time I moved on; past time I started thinking of myself a little bit.

I was not over her. Of course I wasn’t; and everyone around me knew that. But they didn’t seem to care, they didn’t seem to understand whatever was going on with me, they didn’t want to offer me help; they just wanted to pretend she never existed, ‘cause all they wanted to do was make me believe she was a mistake, she was a part of my life that should’ve never existed. They wanted to believe all the things I went through with her, because of her never existed. But it did. And wanting or not, I couldn’t let it go, I couldn’t leave it all behind. Why? Because I wanted her. I needed her. I needed Scarlett. I’d fallen in love with her. 

Or maybe I’d just fallen.

 

●•Author's Note•●

Hello! Did you like it? Please, let me know if you did, 'cause I worked so hard on it and I really want to know your thoughts on this chapter. It's just a prologue, the story will really start on next chapter, and you'll start asking yourself a lot of things, 'cause I'm warning you already, it's confusing. I'll also post some pictures of the characters on the sidebar, and I'll start doing it on next chapter. Just enjoy the trailer of the fanfic again by now.

I'll post next chapter on Friday (April 19th, 2013). The best comment on this chapter gets a dedication on the next one :)

Oh, one more thing. If you liked it, please, share with your followers/friends on twitter, tumblr, facebook, or whatever. Really means a lot, and how more readers, faster I get the votes, and faster I'll post.