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Chapter 28 - Kirsten

warning: this chapter needs to be rewritten. I'll work on it and as soon as I repost it, I'll let you know.

                                                                 28.  

                                                         ●•Kirsten•●

Holy f–cking crap. I must be out of my mind.

What the hell had I just done? I’m not even that drunk! Yeah, fine, I drank a lot, to be quite fair, but I’m used to it. I’m so used to alcohol that it doesn’t affect me anymore. My blood is already used, I don’t even feel dizzy. I don’t feel stupid nor out of my own body as I used to when I first started drinking. Now it just distracted me; prevented me from thinking about my actual problems.

And yet, completely aware of what’s around me, I kissed Styles!

That sh–t can’t be f–cking real! And I don’t give a f–ck about the fact that I’m swearing more than the usual. Nothing is going as the planned tonight. I can’t even believe I’m still thinking about those damn stupid lips! Seriously, what’s wrong with me? Besides the fact that I look pretty much alike a punching bag, and also the fact that I can barely walk without feeling like groaning in pain. Yeah, after weeks in the hospital I still feel the consequences of Tyler’s anger.

I haven’t talked to him during all this time, and honestly, I’m still not sure whether I should come back home tonight or not. And I really want to, but I know he’ll be bloody pissed again, not only for the fact that Styles brought me home that night, but also because I didn’t come back since he left me thrown on the floor. Each night out was a new shot of anger, and I’m scared. I’m not fully recovered to take another dose of spanking. God dammit, Tyler! I hate you so freaking much when you’re moody.

Truth be told, that’s not what’s on my mind right now. Even if I shove several glasses of alcohol into my mouth, the taste of his lips still refuse to leave mine, and I’m scared because I do know I want to feel it again more than the alcohol that has been taking over me all night long. I know that if I dare to go outside again, and find him still there, I will walk back to him, pull him by that stupid sweater and kiss him again, ‘cause f–cking Jesus! That guy knows how to kiss.

“Kirsten, you need to work,” Caitlyn calls me and only then I shake my head to get rid of my thoughts.

“I don’t f–cking care. Just discount it from my paycheck. I’m not feeling well,” I spat the words at her, feeling my blood boil in anger and confusion at the same time. I wasn’t lying after all; I did want to throw up my organs right now.

“You shall go home, then,” she cheekily smiled and I just glared daggers at her, not even bothering to fully peer up to do so. My head felt so heavy and I was starting to feel numb, though I knew it had nothing to do with all the drinking and stuff.

“Shall I? Fine, I’m leaving,” were the last things I said before standing up and walking towards the back door again, ignoring the half-naked bodies on the tables that made me feel sicker than what I already was, if that was possible. Why was I even working there after all? I should’ve quit long time ago; I can’t bear the thought of this place anymore. It’s disgusting.

Making my way to the exit, I felt this stupid tingling on my stomach, afraid of maybe finding Styles outside again. I can’t face him now. I can’t face him ever again. Man, I had just kissed him! Not only because he kissed me, but because when he pulled apart, I was the one into a hypnosis state; I was the one who pulled him back and kissed him like there was no tomorrow! I mean, I literally pulled him towards me. His body was oh so pressed against mine I could feel his muscles under the tissue of his sweater. I had even considered sliding my hands under it just to find out how he’d feel like! Yeah, I am in shock! What the hell was I thinking?