Final Truth

Chapter 12: An Identity Crisis

Peter's point of view:

After I return a very annoyingly weepy Julia back to her cell, I wander the corridors of the prison until I manage to find an unoccupied room far from the lab.

I practically throw myself in the room, locking the door behind me and pacing back and forth as I try to sort out my head.

Never before has confusion driven me so mad before: Henley tells me that Julia is bad; Julia tells me Henley is bad. Henley tells me that all Julia has ever done is hurt me; Julia tells me she never meant to do so. Henley tells me that all Julia's done is lie to me; Julia says her good memories aren't fake.

I do believe that Julia is bad and that the world would likely be better off without her now, but I'm also beginning to realize that something strange is happening here:

If Julia's is as bad as everyone says, then why do they always have to take such measures to ensure that I believe them?

I can't even remember what happened from Julia's test with the power of healing last week, but it must've been bad enough for them to put me through what they did afterwards.

Injection after injection, being strapped to metal chairs, and one phrase repeated to me over and over until it seemed that nothing else in the world mattered:

Julia is evil.

And I have no choice but to believe that phrase; I know that my head has been tampered with, but my mind is so clogged with tangles of true and false memories that I have no choice but to believe Henley.

My power of evaluation only makes things worse; whenever I look at Julia, it's impossible not to see the previous memories of us that she swears are true. And yes, those memories that I can't recall for myself do seem real, but I can never trust them after what has been drilled into me over and over again.

I'm unable to believe Julia and I won't give myself the chance to. If I ever did once love her, I know I'll never get back to that point even if I wanted to.

So much damage has been done to my head that I don't know if I'll ever be okay again.

A nearby mirror on the wall catches my attention, and I tread lightly towards it to see if I can even recognize myself anymore.

Same facial features, same short brown hair that flops around, same calloused hands from years past that I can't recall.

Only my eyes I know are different, although I can't remember what they once were. I believe they might've been brown, but after everything that has happened, I wouldn't trust myself to count on even that.

The newfound golden eyes make me look sinister, giving me a sense of power that I find a strange liking towards. Undoubtably, feeling power makes me feel untouchable and causes me to relish in the fantasies of damage that I could cause.

But there's also a very faint voice that whispers from the deepest crevices of my mind that this is not who I am, that I detest people's power over others and destruction.

My own head is a battleground, trampled and beaten down until it's practically barren. Nothing prosperous grows anymore; only twinges of memories cloaked in despair remain.

Am I Henley's soldier? Am I Julia's Peter? Am I the real monster here? Is Julia the enemy?

So many questions that require so many answers that I'll never get. The questions consume my head, spiraling me into such confusion that the room feels like it's beginning to spin.

Is Henley lying to me? Is Julia toying with my mind? Will I still be useful even after Henley kills Julia?

"Stop it," I tell myself, trying to make the questions in my head end as I look back at myself in the mirror.

But suddenly, I begin to hallucinate as I look deeper into the mirror.

My reflection disappears, only to be replaced with that of Julia.

"Come back to me, Peter. This isn't you," she pleads with me, her green eyes reflecting truth but my head screaming at me to stay away.

"Leave me alone," I plead with my own mind, wanting the confusion to stop.

Julia then disappears, only to be replaced with Henley.

"You know your place in this world, and it is not with that girl. By letting Julia in your head, you only show me how weak you are," Henley spits at me.

Anger rises up inside of me, fueled by the ongoing battle in my head.

"I am not weak!" I yell, sending my fist through the mirror and shattering it.

I regret doing so even before the pain comes, but the glass shards sticking out of my hand are probably what I deserve.

Slumping against the ground and taking a deep breath, I wince as I try to remove as much glass from my hand as possible and scoot away from the shards.

Julia's and Henley's reflections are gone, but their voices still echo in my head as they fight each other for my mind. Their yells for me to believe them are so deafening within the walls of my brain that I begin to think that I will be completely insane by the time all of this is over.

I catch the reflection of one my eyes in a piece of glass that I remove from my hand, the color no longer vibrant gold but rather a mixture between that and brown.

Retaliating quickly, I throw the shard across the room and put my head in my hands as I rock myself gently back and forth, praying to God above to show me the light in this dark and endless path I'm on.

Who's right and who's wrong? Who is the one I should fight for and who should I fight against? Is my hate for Julia coming from me or Henley? What is my purpose?

Who am I?