Human [Harry Styles]

Chapter Nineteen.

Harry

            I’m not going to lie, a lot feels wrong with Marley… though just as much feels right.

            Maybe it’s the way we parted, the way I just had to kind of ditch her, but I don’t feel good about it. I mean, I never did really, but now it’s like this painful aftereffect that won’t leave me alone.

            Maybe it’s just me being stupid. It was a choice, after all, wasn’t it? A tradeoff? I couldn’t very well choose Marley over the boys, considering they’re like brothers to me.

            But if it was so right… then why do I feel so terrible about it?

            I shake my head, trying to will away the headache this is giving me. It’s like I’ve had it ever since calling Marley a couple days ago, which is unfortunately a pretty good sign that it’s not leaving anytime soon.

            Great.

            “Is Aspirin what you use for these kinds of things?” I mutter to myself, frowning a bit as I squint into my medicine cabinet, which is full of medication the other boys ended up actually getting for me.

            It’s not like I’m completely ignorant when it comes to it, but I’m definitely unorganized, at least enough to not be able to stock my own cabinets. As I hope to say for the rest of my life: Thank goodness for the boys.

            Deciding to take a couple of the small, white tablets with some water, I walk out of the bathroom and into the living room, trying to decide what to do.

            Today’s an off day for One Direction, something Management is hinting at as being a “reward” for our turn – or more specifically, mine. Ditching Marley like that doesn’t seem like something that should be rewarded though, so instead of actually going out with the other lads, I chose to hang around here… by myself.

            After a moment of walking around aimlessly though, I turn to spot my laptop sitting on the kitchen counter, out of place, but convenient. It can’t help but remind me of everything I’ve been through, or at least everything I’ve seen.

            When I used to have that addiction with checking media about myself, it was pretty bad, self-decrepitating kind of stuff that made me want to do drastic things. Now, I don’t really think about it anymore, or at least, I try not to.

            Marley had kind of served as a purpose of distraction in a way, helping me not think about even trying to research myself. Now that she’s gone though…

            What kind of “reward” is this anyways? I feel that checking once wouldn’t hurt, especially considering that Management is saying everything is turning for the better. For this, ditching Marley, I feel like I can’t just trust that. I need to check, myself.

            So grabbing my computer hastily, I turn back to the living room, plopping down on the couch with a huff.

            By the time I get the electronic to power up, log in, and open a search engine, I feel suddenly ten times tenser than before. My fingers have this little itch in them as they hover over the keyboard, like they’re just as anxious to check, while my heart is speeding up in an almost nervous way.

            ‘Harry Styles Ditching Singing for Law?’ is one of the headlines that jump out at me when the page loads, ‘Harry Styles: The 1D Downfall?’ is another.