Anger Management

1:05 PM

"Hello! Thank you for calling Target! How can I help you today?"

"...Chance? Why do you sound so...enthusiastic? This isn't you, man."

"I know. My manager is giving me an evaluation. But has just been sitting there. Watching me. Creepy, right?"

"He or she? Your manager's gender."

"Why does that matter? She's a she."

"Because I want to talk about her properly and respectfully, with the right pronouns. She should fire you, and how are you calling her creepy when she's literally watching you?"

"I seriously don't like you, Farah. And she's chill, and even still, I don't think she can hear me. She's doing a lot of evaluations today, so I'm sure she's tired and just thinking about her shift ending at this point."

"You're so lucky to have such a laid-back boss. Target doesn't seem too bad to work at. And you don't like me now?"

"Money is money. The work here is easy too to get paid $15 bucks an hour. And no, I never liked you." 

"Well, who likes a bitch?"

"No one does. But who likes an asshole?"

"I do. You're interesting, and that's why I like to talk to you."

"An interesting person is different from a likable person. I could say the same for you, weirdo. But I won't."

"Pfft. Whatever, asshole. Today is so boring. Tell your manager to go home or focus on someone else for now until I hang up. Or, say something funny to lighten the mood. Make the call more fun to be in."

"I'm not funny. I'm sarcastic, and I don't even want to talk to you in the first place. So why would I make it more fun for your sake? She's also gone, I think someone needed her for something. She'll probably be back in a couple of minutes though. Or even better, she'll forget about me and go on her break, and then I'll be switching with another worker at that point."

"You can be multiple...things. Is 'things' even a good word for it? Well, your personality doesn't just have to be: Chance the sarcastic. You can be funny. Or shy, or mean, or brutally honest.  You're a lot more than sarcastic. And you need some social lessons pronto. Talk about yourself, therapist."

"With you? No. And a therapist asks the questions, not the other way around."

"Chance, I'm not that bad. And you're taking this too seriously. You're someone I opened up to, and I'm starting to like your company so in order to keep it, I need an excuse. Calling you my therapy is my excuse to just get to know you and to have you stick around. It's annoying and sad that I have to use this as my excuse to talk to you and to potentially be friends with me, but I don't know. We can also talk as friends along with you helping me and the fake, unlicensed therapy."

"I'm so proud of you because you didn't use my name in a joke. And I'm not the same as you, Farah. Understand that sometimes it's hard for a person to open up. You seem like the kind of person that just tells anyone anything. And I personally don't like that, because it's something I would never do. But everyone is different, and if this is how you choose to cope, who am I to judge? I can't say much about others if I can't even face my own problem of being able to open up."

"..."

"Farah? Are you still there? Oh gosh...don't you dare-"

"Just give Farah a chance, Chance."

"I officially hate you."

"...HAHAHHAHAHAH. FARAH'S SO FUNNY. GET ON MY LEVEL, DWEEB."

"You talk in the third person? Please, go away. Hang up."

"Have some fun, Chance. Your name is perfect to use for jokes. You know it's true, too." 

"Thank you for calling Target, punk. Have a great rest of your day."