Never be the same (Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier)

Chapter 12

"She was half a human and half a hurricane. A half that is living to destroy and a half that is trying to survive." 

I remember laughing with my friends. I remember Going on adventures with my family. I remember loving life. What's the point though. I have all these little memories flying around in my mind but for what. I'll never be able to experience any of that again.

Those days of laying on that table have drained absolutely every piece of hope from me. I don't believe anymore. And why would I? I mean, I myself told my mother to stop looking for me, so why hope that they will. I know that they said that they won't stop looking, but I don't even know where I am.

The days came and went all the same. More experiments. More pain. Day in and day out, nothing seemed to change.

That was until the day that they finally decided to untie me, "How are you feeling?" I got asked as soon as I sat up.

"I-I'm feeling fine, I think" I said more to myself than to the worker who was asking me.

"That's good." He said with a bright smile on his face.

"On second thought, I think I'm gonna be sick." I said, trying to cover my mouth with my hand.

"Oh," his smile dropped and he looked around the room, "Uh, here here, this is the bathroom." He pointed at one of the doors in the room and I nodded and made my way there as quickly as I could.

As soon as I reached the toilet I vomited my guts out. I don't think my body liked whatever it was that they were doing. After I was finished in the bathroom, I stepped out to be greeted by none other than the man in charge himself.

"Adriana, are you feeling better now?" he asked me with fake concern on his face.

"I'm, uhh, yeah, I guess" I was feeling better after my trip to the bathroom, there was no doubt in there but I still hated him more than anyone so I really didn't feel like answering his dumb questions.

"Good," he said while clapping his hands together, "come then and eat." he said, pointing at the tray that some worker was holding.

I took the tray and sat down on the metal table again to eat. Even the food didn't seem to change here. I got fed soup, bread and water, like last time. I ate anyway, it felt good to have normal food for exchange to the IV bags that had been my only source of nutrition these past few days.

After I had finished, I was quickly made to follow some guards to another room. The new room didn't look that much different from the last one. There were still people with lab coats here, there were a lot more guards here though. After me I saw the old man come in with the asset following him.

I noticed a lot more monitors in this room though and in the middle of the room was a chair with some monitors, metal restraints and other metal stuff attached to it. I didn't really understand it much, but I was more than certain that I was gonna be sitting there in a minute or two.

The man and the asset walked past me and I could have sworn that I heard the asset whisper 'don't forget'. I immediately looked in his direction with a confused stare. What did he mean? What should I not forget? He didn't look back at me, he just stared at the chair in front of him, his jaw clenched.

All of a sudden I got pushed to sit on the chair and two guards came to stand on either side of me. I looked around the room to get some answer, any answer would have been good. No one moved except the man who came towards me.

"Adriana, Adriana, Adriana" he repeated my name while shaking his head lightly, his smile never faltered, "Your job will begin shortly." he stepped away from me and I honestly didn't know what to gather from that all.

I was made to lay against the back of the chair. The chair was turned on and the metal restraints clipped themselves tightly around my arms. I looked at my arms and then back to the people around me. Some workers were looking at the monitors that were attached to the chair. My hands began to shake from the lack of knowledge about what was going to happen.

"Bite down on that," a man put a mouthguard in front of me.

"What for?" I asked immediately, looking at him.

"So you don't bite your tongue off." a wicked smirk made its way across his face and I felt my hands growing sweaty, I shouldn't have asked.

I didn't dare ask him why I would do that, I decided it would be better to just bite down on it. As soon as I had done that, the man pushed my head against the back of the chair and told me not to move.

My eyes widened. I was desperately looking around the room to try and get any answers or for someone to just get me out of here. They all just stood there and watched me. I probably looked like a deer in the headlights.

My eyes finally landed on the asset. He was already looking, it wasn't a surprise though, everyones eyes were on me at that moment. His words kept repeating in my head. Don't forget, don't forget, don't forget. What did he mean? I had no idea what I was supposed to not forget, what was going on.

Suddenly a metal helmet kind of thing clipped itself around my head. I heard buzzing come from the helmet. I heard people talking. I heard someone moving. I could still look at the people standing in front of the machine. The asset, the man in charge, a few guards. Everyone seemed to have a blank expression on their faces, expect for the man in charge, he was still smiling. My eyes locked once again with the asset right before the machines buzzing became really loud.

Then came the pain. It felt like thousands of electric bolts were shot into my brain. It felt like being shot over and over again. I felt my brain turn into a mush. I bit down on the mouthguard as hard as I could. I felt tears escape my eyes. I cried out for someone to save me. Everybody looked blurred. Everything in my mind was becoming blurred. I screamed as loud as I could. It was worse than anything I have ever experienced before. My head felt like it was going to explode at any minute.

Then came the words "Don't forget," and it was then that I realised what he meant. He knew what was going to happen, he knew. Wait. Who knew? I screamed louder. Family, friends, those people, my name. Wait, my name, my name, my name is-. The tears escaped more and more rapidly. What was my name? Who were those people who I kept seeing in my head? "We'll never stop looking," whose voice was that, it was so beautiful and I can't remember. I can't.

My head is going to explode. The pain is unbearable. And then it stopped, just like that. The pain was gone, the helmet was removed, the metal restraints came off and I was made to sit up. Wait. Who am I?