Never be the same (Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier)

Chapter 32

"You have to die a few times before you can really live." -Charles Bukowski

Bucky had been acting up today and I had no idea what had caused him to be like that. This wasn't his usual self, he had been distant the whole morning and every time I brought it up he just turned plain mean. I mean we have had bad days before but this was something else. I don't know how or why but it just felt different.

Any time we ended up in the same room together you could cut the tension with a knife, or not, I mean, most of the time he just seemed to ignore my existence in general. I guess I wasn't trying hard to make myself stand out either, since I was trying to make myself invisible every time he walked into the room I was.

I had been sitting behind the kitchen table for the past half an hour, trying to figure out what had caused him to act the way he did, I came up with nothing though. The past few days seemed to be going great between us, we hadn't fought for over a week which was probably a record for us.

Bucky walked into the kitchen and headed towards the fridge, not acknowledging my presence. I let out a small sigh, knowing I need to talk to him sooner or later.

"Are you gonna come to the store with me then?" I asked hopefully, since we had talked about it yesterday.

I could hear him groaning at that and I knew that I had received my answer with this action. I was pissed, to say the least. I had no clue why he was being the way he was and he wasn't giving me any answers either.

"Fine!" I said loudly while slamming my hands on the table, making him turn his focus towards me for the first time in the past three hours, "I am going alone then! And for the record, you're being a dick!"

I marched out of the room, grabbed my stuff and slammed the front door shut to make a point that I was still alive despite his efforts of pretending I wasn't.

I wasn't too worried about going out anymore. Everyone always looks too busy with their own lives to pay any attention to others around them, so I wasn't too worried about being noticed anymore. Though that didn't mean that I let my guard down entirely, I still wore caps or hoods most of the time to hide my face but I don't feel anxious every time a random person steals a glance nowadays.

The lovely lady at checkout was trying to make small talk which I just politely smiled at but pretended to be in a rush so I wouldn't have to speak too much. I never really liked talking with strangers and not having Bucky next to me made matters even worse so I was trying to get out of the store as quickly as I possibly could.

As soon as I started heading back home I felt like I could breathe again. I would be lying if I said that I had completely gotten over the paranoid feelings that I felt every time I was out.

I was almost at the door when a couple of children ran past me, playing tag. I heard one of them shout sorry for almost running into me but I just gave her a weak smile as to show her it was no big deal.

From the moment I stepped inside the house, I could sense something was off. I could hear someone speaking upstairs which made me feel uneasy. Only Bucky and I live here, was he talking to himself? And since I doubted that, I instinctively reached my hand out for the gun I always carried with me. What can I say? Some habits are just hard to break.

The door that lead to our apartment was slightly open and I could definitely hear someone speaking inside, and that someone wasn't Bucky.

"We mean no harm, Bucky. I just want to help."

I set the grocery bag down and held the gun up as I slowly opened the door. It didn't go as smoothly as I was expecting though, since the old door creaked as I was trying to push it open. Well no point in trying to sneak up quietly anymore, I thought to myself, as I pushed the door fully open and aimed at the guy in front of me.

My eyes widened at the realisation of who I was facing, "I think we have a problem here, Steve!" Wilson got everyone's attention.

"Please put the gun down!" Rogers spoke softly but I could hear how nervous he actually was.

"Please get out of my house!" I spoke, still aiming at Wilson.

"We are here to help both of you! Just put the gun down!" Rogers took a step closer to me but stopped as soon as I moved my aim to him.

"Get. Out. Of. My. House!" I emphasised every word to make my point.

Rogers raised his hands and took a step back towards Bucky, who was just standing there looking as dumbfounded as ever. Part of me was fuming at the fact that Bucky wasn't doing anything to defend us but the bigger part of me was fuming at the fact that they thought they could just walk into our house and make demands.

I was so distracted by looking at Rogers that I hadn't even noticed Wilson moving but became completely aware of it as soon as my gun got kicked out of my hand and another one was pointed at me.

"Don't you dare touch her!" I heard Bucky shout as I was stuck staring Wilson.

"What are you waiting for?" I lifted my eyebrows at him, "Just pull the goddamn trigger!"

I could see his eyebrows knitting together from confusion, not sure of what he should do with me. I rolled my eyes at him and punched the gun out of his hand and pinned it behind his back, making him let out a string of cuss words.

"Too late!" I said way to sweetly.

"Stop it!" I heard Rogers shout at me.

"I don't take orders from anyone! Especially not you!" I shouted back.

My anger was boiling and I was beginning to shake, which made me an easy target to Wilson. It didn't go unseen for him either. He used his advantage quickly by spinning himself around and swiping me off my feet, making me hit the ground. He grabbed the gun from the floor again and aimed me with it.

I smirked up at him, "Not bad."

"Let her go please!" Bucky shouted and tried to lunge at Wilson but Rogers blocked him.

Oh so now he is finally gonna do something? For a moment I thought he wanted me dead as well. I wasn't making any effort to get up from the ground anymore, if anything I felt like this could be my escape.

"You made that mistake once already, don't make it again," I nodded up at him, "Shoot!"

He looked at me with pity in his brown eyes, then looked at Rogers and then back down at me once again, as if contemplating his choices. He then nodded at Rogers and pulled the trigger.

The last thing I heard was Bucky screaming before I was surrounded by darkness.