Never be the same (Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier)

Chapter 13

"Nothing is quite as beautiful as someone who has survived losing everything and still has a tender heart."

There were hundreds of questions swirling around inside my head. Who am I? What is my name? What am I doing here? Who are these people? Why can't I remember anything?

There were a lot of people in the room just staring at me. Did I do something? I don't remember doing anything. Frankly I don't remember anything at all.

"Where am I? Who am I? What's going on?" I started rambling hysterically, looking around the room.

"You don't remember anything?" An older man made his way in front of me to get a better look.

I looked at the ground, trying to remember something, anything. I was trying to gather anything about myself, about my past, absolutely anything. But everything just seemed blank. I had no memories whatsoever.

"No," I whispered after a while, "Why, um, why is that?" I looked back up.

"You took a hard fall, we're guessing you might have lost your memories as a result." he looked at me sympathetically.

"Hard fall? What happened with me?" I asked, trying to figure out. Hoping that maybe that might bring something back.

"You fell down a roof during one of your missions, we managed to heal you as best as we could though."

"Mission? What mission?" why was I on a mission, who am I?

"You're one of our mightiest fighters, Miss Darkness," Miss Darkness? Was that supposed to be my name?

"My name is Alexander Pierce. This all is Hydra," he said while motioning around the room, "You work for us, you are a fighter called Miss Darkness. This man here," he pointed at a man with a metal arm, "Do you remember him?" I shook my head not turning my attention from him, "He is called the Winter Soldier. You guys are the best fighters this world has ever seen. He is your trainer, partner in missions and also your best friend." the Winter Soldier looked at me like he was expecting me to remember him.

I didn't remember any of the things he had just told me. Absolutely nothing ringed a bell. I was a fighter? Fighter of what? Good or bad? Everything he was telling me was consuming me and I felt like he had just put so much new information in my head. I was trying really hard to remember it all.

Alexander kept telling me about how our work has been a gift to mankind, and how things worked here at Hydra. He told me what are the rules around this place. It seemed like me and the Winter Soldier didn't really get a lot say in anything. We just did the job and that was pretty much it.

After he was done telling me all the important things, he made me and the Winter Soldier go and get some rest. Alexander kept going on and on about how I need to get my strength back and how I need to start training again, because I had obviously lost my memories of that as well.

I followed the Winter Soldier to our shared room, apparently. I looked around the room to hopefully find anything that might trigger my memory. There was nothing there that looked familiar to me. Though I did go up to the book shelf to see if maybe I could remember any of the books there. Once again nothing.

"Do I have a real name as well?" I asked while still looking at the various books, but seeing as he didn't answer me I finally turned to him, "Did you hear me?" I tried again.

He just looked at me with an unreadable expression on his face but after a while he shook his head, no.

"Oh," I put the book I was still holding back on the shelf, "Do you?"

He shook his head again. It seemed weird to me, that we didn't have normal names like Alexander Pierce did.

"You should rest." He finally spoke, looking towards the bed.

"You too, you look awfully tired." I told him the truth. He did though, there were bags forming under his eyes from the lack of sleep he seemed to be getting.

He seemed to ignore my remark about him. I on the other hand was feeling pretty drained though so I climbed in the bed. After laying down I noticed that he seemed to get instructions by his earpiece. That made me wonder if I used to have one of those, I probably did. Or maybe they just gave one to him as we were on missions together anyway. That in turn, made me wonder what were our missions usually like. What did we do?

I was so deep in thought that I didn't even notice when he had climbed to bed. He looked at the ceiling above us like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"I don't remember you," I said quietly, but I was more than certain that he heard me.

He finally turned his attention towards me, "I wish I could you know. I want to remember you, but there's just nothing there." he nodded and turned his gaze back to the ceiling.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in, "I can't even remember myself."