Stay Away from Pleasure

Chapter Forty-Two

04:30AM

I guess this is the first day I've actually planned on doing something productive since my dad— Let's not dwell on the details too much.

Impossible cannot even describe how difficult it is trying to sleep at the moment. All I see when I close my eyes is my father's stare as he looked down at me after he tucked me in. I just remember him stroking my hair and playing with the tips of it too. The way he used to twirl it around his fingers...

He was harsh with me, strict, but I needed it.

Oh, he always used to stand there, right by the door. Even thirty, forty, fifty minutes after I closed my eyes with the desire to sleep, he'd always just stand there, looking at me. I could always feel his eyes on me. And it was always the same moment! He'd always wait for the perfect time! There was this point right before I fell asleep where I felt like my body was dead because it was so numb and I was finally drifting off to sleep. At that point, I only had acute hearing remaining and that would be when I would hear the door click softly as he left. I remember how I always tried to pull myself up to see if he had really left, but I never could. That click was the last thing I'd hear every night as I was growing up and now... Now, I'll never hear it again. 

Focused, I tie my laces up quietly, hoping that I don't wake Matt. Deep in slumber, his chest rises and falls slowly. His chest is bare and exposed, his skin glowing lightly. It's a smooth purring sound that he makes, so deep like a growl, yet not a snore. Anguished. Solemn. Lonely. With his head bent to one side and his eyes fluttering while they're shut, he looks like the real Adonis, dormant right in front of me. One of his arms are outstretched to where I should be beside him, almost reaching for me. In fact, his whole body is facing me, hungry for me. Yearning. Longing.

I sit at the foot of the bed, watching his every move. Watching everything... Everything. I'm counting the seconds it takes for his chest to fall back down right after it rises, counting how long each growl lasts, watching how beautiful his masculine face seems with the light, neat stubble on his jaw and his thick eyebrows, long eyelashes and his soft lips; warmly parted, exhaling air into the space around him. His arms reaches up onto my pillow. Part of me thinks he knows that I'm not there.

Tearing myself away from him, I stand up with my laces done and ready. On the desk in our bedroom, I find a stray hairband and secure my curls up in a tight, messy bun.

In the kitchen, I fill up my water bottle and make my way to the door. I've left everything behind apart from the keys and I only have the key to the front door of the penthouse and it's slipped into the side of my sports bra. It's so uncomfortable, but it's a short jog and I don't want to wake Matt or risk being locked out. Opening the door, I slip outside and close the door behind me.

My iPod is in a small compartment proportionate to it's size on the top of my arm, blasting music in my ears through the earphones connected to it. From the moment I shut the door, My jog begins.

Starting with the stairs, I jog down them going about three of four steps at a time, using my long legs to my advantage. I reach the ground floor with enough energy to jog to the park, further into town and then back.

Leaving the building, I take a left and start jogging at a steady pace.

The sun is rising up, but slower than usual. The sky is looking old, but the perfect hue of fire gives it hope. Above me, my ears smile at the pleasant hum of birdsong. The trees I'm running under all have the peaceful little creatures hidden deep in the branches, chirping soundly and brightening the world with their beautiful music.

Despite the rising sun, the streets still seemed dark, but not too threatening. The dark blue of the sky, from the night before, remains in some parts, but as the sun's sublime power spreads with authority, the dark shade begins to cower. Don't get me wrong, I love the night's sky, but I love jogging in the cool air with dawn's breeze waking me up, the sun performing a wonderful solo performance above me, stealing the show, and the bird's accompanying the main act, making it a musical ensemble. The sun a blinding crescendo as it rises, intensity skyrocketing, the birdsong a sheepish drone and eloquent melody. Pure heaven.