Finding the Wolf Within

Chapter 30

Recap

Eddie and Lindy had both been right. Our parents wanted us to be together. They all knew what it was like to find your mate, so of course no one would purposely try to embarrass me. I smiled as I remembered what Lindy had said about soundproofing the room – I would definitely have to tell Eddie about it so we could prepare our rooms for next time.

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Chapter 30

I wish I could say that Eddie and I had made good use of our now soundproofed rooms, but that would be a lie. He still took me to school and picked me up from the shelter, but our conversations weren’t as easy as they used to be. He didn’t touch me, hold me, kiss me as much as he had before and it often seemed like he was off in his own world, not really paying attention to me. We had also spent maybe five or six nights together in the three weeks since Christmas. For a normal high school couple, that would be a lot. But for us, it was more like a third of what I was used to. We hadn’t even done anything those times except for sleep – definitely nothing close to that one amazing night. I never thought I would say that I would be sexually frustrated, but I was.

The worst part was that Eddie has been not only physically, but also emotionally, distant lately, preoccupied with something he won’t share with me. It has been more than disconcerting because since we decided to start dating, he has been the one who was completely honest and open about himself. I didn’t know what to do – my extremely limited dating experience hadn’t prepared me for this type of situation. I had already tried to mention it a couple of times, but he always shrugged it off as if it were nothing. His attitude had been making me more and more anxious. I had spent several nights over the last two weeks crying myself to bed, and I could see the worried look in my parents’ eyes. I couldn’t talk to them though, not yet anyway. I wanted to wait, to see if things would return to normal, to hope that the Eddie I loved would come back to me. I knew I should take comfort in the fact that we were mates, and it was therefore highly unlikely, if not impossible, that he was cheating on me or experiencing feelings for someone else. But I couldn’t help but be pessimistic.

I mean, I knew he accepted the fact that I had wanted to wait to have sex. He hadn’t seemed put off by my request at all. But now, I wasn’t so sure. How long would he be willing and able to last without that kind of physical contact? He was used to getting with at least one or two girls a week, and it had already been two and a half months since my birthday and seven weeks since we began officially dating. Was he tired of waiting for me to put out? Was he with some girl right now? I was starting to feel queasy because these lingering doubts should make me unworthy of him and of our bond. I should have unquestioned faith in my mate. I guess it was the human and wolf sides competing with one another that was causing me to feel this way. It was times like these that I wished I were more wolf than human.

And the thing was – I was ready. I wanted to be with him in every way possible. I had even tried seducing him one night by wearing just a silk tank and shorts set to bed, but he hadn’t seemed fazed at all. He had just wrapped his body around me, kissed my forehead, and gone to sleep. It was the story of my life of course, that the moment I’m finally ready to take that last plunge, he would suddenly lose interest. I honestly didn’t know what to do anymore.

I could feel the tears welling in my eyes again and I tried to sniff them back. In my rational mind I knew that it was silly for me to be thinking this way, because I knew that Eddie loved me, but I couldn’t help it. I had always felt slightly insecure in our relationship – I was just plain old Ceci after all, while he was the future Alpha. I made a halfhearted attempt to mentally slap myself for even thinking about myself that way, since I knew better. But I didn’t really feel like I did right now. Right now I felt like I wasn’t what Eddie needed, that maybe he needed someone more, someone better.