I Am Living With an Idiot

Seventy Four || Messy Situation

Last chapter, so guys please comment :) (But, maybe maybe not, so you should read the author's note at the end.

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He lied.

Multiple times.

Yet, I continue to stay with him.

I wonder what is more important: my safety or his? I'm said to be selfish if I care about my well-being more than his, but if it was the other way around, I would be considered stupid for not looking out for myself first. I am going to get stuck in the middle of this, I just know it. This is the last thing I want or need right now. I have to look out for my own well-being before anyone else, but I can't help but worry about him more.

For years and years people have stuck together through fights, wars, beliefs and causes. I suppose that is how we're built, to fight together or not at all. But of course we can't dodge the inevitable of people betraying each other. And that's how we get in a sick place like this one.

Love

          Greed.

                         Betrayal.

                                         Hatred.

Such a sickening cycle.

I am in this place that makes me feel so confused on so many levels because of him. Sure, he's had to deal with this sort of shit before, but I haven't. He had to just lay it on me like I have.

No.

That is not okay.

None of this is okay.

What happened to our boring life? In that life, I would never had to ever think about anything like this, or even think at all for that matter.

Not anymore.

I look at James. It's like my jaw stopped working because I can't say a damn word. How could this possibly get so messy, so quickly?

"Please, say something."

His eyes are worried. I can imagine that mine are too.

"I..." That's all I got.

Autumn needed his help and she got it. After lying to me where he was going that night, he went to beat up a guy to save his life. I understand that and commend it, but what I don't understand is why it was necessary for James to have such close contact with his sister after so many years. I mean, yes, I get that they are siblings and if they want to mend that relationship, well, then all is well for them. The only thing is this it seems like she is pulling him back on purpose. I mean, he got pulled out of that place for a reason and just now she is deciding to be a sibling. It just seems a little bit foreseeable for the whole situation.

In fact, these circumstances seem to be contemplated beforehand.

Part of me wants to hug him and tell him that everything will even out, but that's not how it works, so why would I lie to him? This is a big fuçking mess and now that I've been dragged down with him it's become clear to me that I am not selfish, he is.

"Vena, please," he pleads.

I look up from the spot on the carpet that I was staring at attentively. "James, do you realize how royally fuçked we are?"

"I know." And he didn't argue the fact either.

-

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I haven't said much to James since we had our stupid conversation in the kitchen. The more I think about it, the more it feels even more unreal.

His hurtful words from yesterday return to my thoughts. At this point, it feels like they have been cancelled out considering everything else that's happened, but they still stick in my head like superglue glue.