granted. // (grant gustin fan fic)

Ice Skating

After I dropped my things off at my dorm room, we decided to go skating at Bryant Park to kill time before dinner. The rink was empty with it being so soon after the Thanksgiving holiday but there was a nice feel to us being the only two people existing in a space.

"Do you know how to skate?" I asked Grant as I watched him him clench into the padded railing that lined the rink.

"No, yeah, I sorta do. It's been awhile and I'm just trying to remember and get my balance."

"Come here," I balanced next to him. "Hold on," he grabbed one of my forearms but continued gripping onto the railing. "Hold onto me."

Grant shook a bit as he then brought both of his hands to wrap around my arms. "Look at me-- in my eyes. Focus on me. Now, breathe." I instructed him and he listened. Granted, he was shaking less and his breathing had slowed to a calmer, steadier pace but we hadn't even moved at this point.

I took each one is his hands into my own and gently pulled him so he could slide across the ice and get reacquainted with the feel of it. He eventually got the hang of it and I switched to his side, still holding onto his hand. After that, we got into a steady groove of matching strides. We even tried skating together with Grant behind me and our arms wrapped around each other. That was surprisingly easy once we both got onto the same foot and became so comfortable.

That's how I wanted to stay forever: with him, wrapped around each other in a mess of limbs, and feeling like I am floating on a cloud. I highly doubt he knows how what he did made me feel and I doubt even more that he would even care. He was Grant Gustin, a talented star on the rise with nowhere to go but up, and I was me-- a senior in college with no clue of what was going to happen the second after I walked across that stage in May. Who was I kidding? Even if I had a foolproof plan wth everything figured, I still didn't have a chance.

I put my internal thoughts and crisis on hold while I continued skating with Grant. At the very least, I deserved the moment I was in with him. Something about him made me gravitate towards him and I loved it and didn't want to fight it but that same something told me that I shouldn't-- that I should run far away and never look back. Nonetheless, we grabbed dinner after skating, which was definitely interesting to say the least.

"It's so weird like hearing your voice and seeing your face in real life," I started. I wasn't hinting at him coming clean with me at this point, but I wouldn't interrupt if he decided to start.

"Why?" Grant asked as he leaned into the table, closer towards me and shoved a French fry into his mouth.

"Because I forget you're a real person and not like a pen pal--." This made him chuckle and look up at me.

"Pen pal? We need to get you out more if you're relying on snail mail and strangers across the world for companionship."

I laughed as well at what I had just said. "You know what I mean! I still have the fear that this is a cruel joke and I'm being catfished and you're not really talking to me."

"Because we don't see each other that much?"

Because you're who you are and I'm who I am. I nod quietly and just take a sip of my drink. The realization of our whole dynamic was starting to get to me. When we were just texting, I sort of just imagined Grant as a normal guy. Things weren't so scary and my insecurities didn't run rampant. Now that he was sitting across the table from me, everything was starting to become all too real and all too nerve-wracking.

"Hey, it's fine," Grant started. "We're fine. Whatever the problem is we'll figure it out together because that's what we do and everything will be fine, I promise." He leaned over and grabbed my hand, rubbing the back of it gently. "We'll be fine." He affirmed.

I gave a weak smile and nodded. Grant seemed content and at peace with where things were between us and if he is fine with it then maybe I should be.