granted. // (grant gustin fan fic)

K

After a long restless night the night before, tossing and turning from thinking about Grant, I woke up the following day with my mind made up. I would put myself out there a little more, though not give a full blown confession so he could perhaps see me in a different light. The plan was to not immediately dismiss the cheesy comments Grant made and to break The Touch Barrier while if the opportunity for a kiss came up then a kiss shall be had. While not explicit, the plan depended on a full day shared together so I could show my potential as a more-than-friend.

I was so excited at the possibilities that could happen that I became giddy at the mere thought of locking lips son Grant. An explosion of butterflies fluttered in my stomach as if we were going down a roller coaster or myself was tying itself into a double knot. As crazy as it all had sounded, I had a crush. I was crushing on Grant but emphasis on "was" because, well, everything has an end. Nonetheless, I was still completely caught off guard when I found out that Grant had actually left New York a day early without saying anything to me!

Cam at 10:21 AM: So what are we doing today? It's your last day in the city.

Grant at 10:27 AM: I'm at the airport... 🙃🙃

Cam at 10:28 AM: What? I thought your flight was tomorrow!

Grant at 10:29 AM: It was...
Grant at 10:29 AM: I had to move my flight up earlier to get back to work.
Grant at 10:30 AM: Something came up, my bad

I stared at my phone in my hand as I continued lying down on my bed in my dorm room. He was gone and it hurt. It was like a piece of my heart just ripped itself into pieces and left a shell of a nothingness as a reminder of what could've been in its wake. I'm not clingy--or crazy-- I'm not crazy. I'm hurt and not because he left, boohoo. What hurts is that I realized in that moment that I don't mean a thing to Grant.

He didn't tell me he was leaving early. I had to ask about his plans and wouldn't have found out until he was back in Canada! Granted, he hasn't told me about his job and hasn't even attempted to give any reason why he's so withdrawn. If that wasn't evidence enough then what could possibly exist in the world that would be more telling. Grant clearly doesn't care about me, at the very least, not in the same way I care about him.

And it hurt-- oh it hurt. As much as I told myself that Grant couldn't possibly be interested in someone like me, part of me held on to the hope that he would, or at the very least could. That hope was a flickering flame at the top of a candle in a dark, damp room providing light and warmth until the sharp gust wind of reality blew it out.

With this hard lump lodged in my throat, I mustered the courage to respond.

Cam at 10:37 AM: K. 

Grant at 10:39 AM: I was going to tell you but I didn't know when you would wake up and I didn't want to just text that.

Cam at 10:40 AM: K.

Grant at 10:42 AM: But I can totally find time if you want to come back to New York before your holiday break in December

Cam at 10:42 AM: K.

I watched as the ellipses appeared on the screen before they vanished. They appeared again before disappearing once more until finally the message was sent loud and clear.

Read at 10:43 AM. Nothing-- I looked at the screen for a moment and saw nothing, just a receipt as a mocking indicator that I had been ignored.

I dropped the phone on the bed beside me and got up to get ready to do something, anything-- homework, laundry, cleaning my room, or running errands to make myself feel more important, accomplished, and independent.

I ransacked through my room to find an outfit for the day, tossing clothes left and right on my bed until it was completely covered. Afterwards, I went into the shower to wash all disappointment down the drain and to merge a new Cam. Besides how could I get so obsessed over someone who was unable to be open and honest with me about their job? Their celebrity status? About something crucial to his identity and the way he navigates the world? Ugh, Grant was Grant and all my thoughts did was show that I could forget, disregard, and push him aside just like he did me. In fact, I would soon have to do just that.

(1) Unread Message: Grant Gustin