granted. // (grant gustin fan fic)

Lonely

I didn't text Grant for the rest of yesterday after he told me that he was about to fly out but I doubt he noticed. He sent me the customary "Just landed!" text so I knew he didn't fall out of the sky, but there was nothing else besides that. Knowing that he didn't notice that I was upset with him started to ache and sting a little too because how disposable was I, after all?

The next morning, though, I woke up to a text from Grant. I didn't see it until an hour or so later but I had to decide if I would acknowledge that he hurt me and confront him about it or give him the cold shoulder and be as petty as I possibly can be.

Grant at 8:08 AM: Heyyy
Cam at 9:57 AM: Hi
Grant at 10:24 AM: What's up? How was your day yesterday? I texted you that I made it back and you never said anything. Figured you were just busy.
Cam at 10:31 AM: It was fine-- didn't really do anything
Grant at 10:37 AM: So you just ignored me? Ahh I'm hurt
Yeah, me too.
Cam at 10:45 AM: Oops? Sorry not sorry
Grant at 10:48 AM: Okay... Is everything all right?
Not really, you hurt my feelings by leaving and made me feel like garbage. You made me feel like I don't matter to you especially when considering that you haven't even told me that you're famous. And it sucks because I want to matter to you the same way you matter to me and now I have to face the reality that all the texts, jokes, confessions, and secrets between us meant absolutely nothing to you. So I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs and looking dumb because my insecurities are creeping in because how could I ever be so naïve to think you would be remotely interested in me?

Cam at 10:54 AM: Yeah, I'm fine.

Grant at 10:55 AM: Isn't that what people say when they're not fine?

Cam at 11:04 AM: *shrugs* I guess

Grant at 11:10 AM: Ok, well... I think you need some space so I'm gonna go then...

Cam at 11:11 AM: Yeah, we both know that's something you're pretty good at.

Grant at 11:12 AM: What's that supposed to mean?

Cam at 11:13 AM: Nothing, I'm going to class.

Grant at 11:15 AM: You don't have class right now :/

Cam at 11:16 AM: Then I'm just leaving this conversation

Grant at 11:17 AM: What? No..

The ringtone began to sound in my hand as I held the smartphone:
(1) Missed Call: Grant Gustin

I pushed the buttons on the side of the phone to send the call directly to voicemail. I had said my piece for the moment and wanted to wallow in anger and fester in rage for the time being. The worst thing I could do would be to just  forgive him and go back to where I was and where he had so much power and control over me.

(2) Missed Calls: Grant Gustin

(3) Missed Calls & (1) Voicemail: Grant Gustin

Grant at 11:23 AM: I know you're there.
Grant at 11:23 AM: Cam, answer. What's going on?
Grant at 11:24 AM: Cam.
Grant at 11:24 AM: Your read receipts are on 😑

I opened Grant's text but still opted not to respond in the end. I don't think any part of me wanted him to beg for me and fight for me and make me feel like he couldn't live without me or any of that drama. I think I mainly wanted to see how I could and would manage without him. Would I think about him nonstop? Would I be able to watch The Flash and see Barry Allen or would I see Grant Gustin or would I see the guy I stupidly thought I could be more than just a friend? Would I be angry? Would I be bitter? Would I be lonely?

Granted, I was fine before I met him. My life was good, things were solid, everything was great-- clearly I made it this far in life-- but after talking to him so much and for so long and so candidly, it all really makes me wonder about not having him around.

I couldn't think anymore and I definitely couldn't ask anyone for advice which meant that I found myself looking back at the receipts and reminiscing fondly, wishing I could go back to a different time:

Cam at 1:04 AM: So if you were a dog, what kind of dog would you be?
Grant at 1:05 AM: Easy.  Doberman.
Cam at 1:05 AM: Why?
Grant at 1:08 AM: Because I can be guarded and protective sometimes. They're pretty fearless and bold and they will do anything to protect the people they love. Plus they look pretty intimidating and like a boss and that's like a clear given.
Grant at 1:08 AM: What are you? A chihuahua?
Cam at 1:09 AM: Ha. Ha. Lies. I'm obviously a basset hound.
Grant at 1:11 AM: WHAT?!
Grant at 1:11 AM: NOPE LOL
Grant at 1:11 AM: THAT'S A BIG PILE OF NOPE.
Cam at 1:12 AM: Hear me out
Cam at 1:14 AM: I'm the lazy basset hound that keeps trying to jump on the couch but can't because its legs are so short so after a few tries, it just lazily lies down on the ground and rests on its paws.
Cam at 1:15 AM: Right?
Grant at 1:17 AM: Ok, when you say it like that you are totally a basset hound.
Grant at 1:19 AM: Sounds kind of sad and pathetic but I can see you as a basset hound
Grant at 1:20 AM: A cute one of course
Grant at 1:20 AM: But a basset hound nonetheless
Cam at 1:22 AM: Aww thanks and you're the best Doberman anyone could ever ask for
Grant at 1:23 AM: Scratch behind my ears so I know it's real
Cam at 1:25 AM: LOL Behind the ears? Really? Not the tummy?
Grant at 1:26 AM: Oh, that's dangerous territory. You do that, you might not ever get rid of me
Cam at 1:26 AM: Trust me, I don't want to
Cam at 1:27 AM: I like having you around
Grant at 1:27 AM: Good. I like being around