Monstrous Love

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

Ellen insists I spend the night at her place, refusing to take no for an answer once we set off home.

"You can drop me home." I say, trying to pretend I'm ok.

"Not a chance." She replies, shaking her head. "You're coming home with me."

"Neil's not there, is he?"

"No he left once you did." She confirms.

"I still can't believe it." I ramble, adrenaline pumping through my veins. "I can't believe I've found him!"

"I can't believe you didn't go and talk to him." Ellen chastises me, struggling to understand.

"It wasn't the right time."

"But how do you feel now you've seen him with your own eyes?"

"Strange." I blurt out. "Exhilarated, euphoric and ecstatic."

"That's a lot of emotions."

"I feel like I've found the missing piece. The one part of me which I've been searching for."

"I just don't want you to pin all of your hopes in him." Ellen advises me. "He... he looked aggressive."

"He did knock over before I called you." I reveal, chuckling lightly.

"He did what?"

"Niall always had a temper. He struggled with his anger but never explained why."

"He sure is handsome." My friend comments, smiling playfully.

"More than handsome... he's beautiful."

"So tall dark and rugged is your type?" She jokes.

"He's broader now and more athletic. He has stubble but still has the same dark hair and brown eyes."

"I wonder if he has a girlfriend."

"I guess that's none of my business." I conclude, feeling uncomfortable. "I just need to find out if he's alright and tell him the truth about what happened the night of the fire."

"It will come as a great shock to him. I think you need to prepare yourself for that."

"I guess I'll deal with that tomorrow." I sigh, unbuckling my seatbelt as we pull up outside my house. "Right now I need rest."

I run inside and grab some things, deciding to take Ellen up on her offer to stay over. I don't want to be by myself and know the girls are staying with their dad for the weekend so I won't disturb anyone.

"You think you'll be able to sleep?" She asks, providing me with a spare toothbrush once we get back.

"Not at first. I could do with a hot bath if that's ok?"

"Of course. You can use the en suite."

"Thanks, Ellen. Thank you for everything." I say, embracing her tightly.

"We'll talk in the morning, ok? Get some sleep."

It's after one but I still run myself a bath, adding plenty of bubbles and lighting a couple of candles.

Immersing myself in the hot water is bliss. I can feel all of my tension and anxiety slipping away and it's a welcome relief after such an exhausting night.

I don't know how long I'm in there, staring at the ceiling and trying to remember his face.

I can't believe I know where he is.

I can't believe we've only been a few miles apart all this time.

The knowledge of this is a comfort as well as devastating.

The curtains are still open in Ellen's spare room and I pad across the plush carpet. The garden below my window is all lit up, sparkling with lights she installed outside several months back.

It's a full moon tonight and I can't help gazing up at it, thanking God as well as the universe for this night.

I curl up in bed and close my eyes, hoping I don't wake up tomorrow and realise I dreamt the whole thing.

This has to be real.

I spend the night spent tossing and turning, warm tears soaking my pillow as I'm consumed by nightmares.

My dreams consist of Niall who turns away from me when I try and chase him, ignoring my screams as I beg him to wait.

I wake up just as I hit the ground, realising he's vanished... gone forever.