Monstrous Love

Chapter Twenty-four

Chapter Twenty-four

Niall

This night will change everything...

Evie will never forgive me for this and I'll lose her forever.

She will realise I'm a monster and my darkness will return... I'll be alone forever.

"I promise I'll tell you everything but can we go somewhere first?" I ask her, desperate to spend a few more moments with her like this.

"Where do you want to go?"

"Our place." I reply, staring straight ahead out the windscreen.

"You mean the meadow?"

"Yes."

"I... I've actually been there recently." She reveals, tucking her hair back behind her ear.

"You're kidding? Me too."

"You still go there?"

"Evie, I never stopped."

She inhales deeply and then exhales, trying to steady her breathing as I keep on driving.

"I used to leave you messages." She whispers. "I would write heartfelt notes and leave them behind, convincing myself you might just find one."

"Wow... I-I never saw them." I mumble, closing my eyes for a brief moment.

"I can't believe we both went back there and still couldn't find each other."

"You... you don't think it's a sign, do you?"

"How do you mean?"

"That... that we shouldn't have found one another."

"How can you say that?" She gasps, sounding hurt and incredulous.

"I'm sorry." I apologise, wanting to withdraw my statement. "I feel like I'm losing my mind here. I don't know what I'm saying."

"Just keep your eyes on the road, Niall." She advises me.

"Deal."

We pull up a few minutes later and leave the car, walking towards the meadow we once called our own.

"When did you last come here?" I enquire, taking her hand so she doesn't fall or trip.

"Several weeks ago." She answers, holding onto me. "A couple of days after I saw the red head on your doorstep."

"You saw that?"

"I told you I watched you for a while after I found out where you were." She reminds me, smiling weakly.

"I'm so sorry you had to see that but I told you she means nothing to me."

"I didn't know that at the time." She points out. "I also didn't know you developed a fetish for girls with my name."

"Please don't..." I beg her, despising myself for it.

"It just felt like I had to let you go."

"How?"

"I came here and wrote you one last message." She tells me. "It said goodbye."

"You just cut me out of your life like that?" I demand angrily, coming to a standstill so I can face her.

"I came to find you, didn't I?" She cries, pushing me away from her and walking on ahead.

"Evie, there's still something I need to tell you." I remind her softly, allowing her the space she needs by not chasing after her.

"So tell me." She pleads, sounding frightened.

I walk towards her with my hands in my pockets and my head low, terrified she will leave me when I admit the truth.

"I planned to take my life here." I confess, holding my breath.

"What?"

"I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't exist in a world without you in it."

"So you thought suicide was the answer?"

"I thought it was my only option."

"My God..." She trembles, closing her eyes.

"All of that changed when I found out you were alive." I assure her, forcing her to look at me. "You bring so much meaning to my life and I want to spend every single day of it with you."

"But what happened at the school? There's something you're still not telling me."

"I just wanted to explain and help you understand how desperate I was. I had reached the point where I couldn't eat, sleep or even function anymore. I needed you."

"Niall, you seem to forget that my life was miserable as well. I was severely depressed and you know how long I searched for you. Neither of our lives were complete."

I clench my fists, fighting against every single instinct in my body which is screaming at me to tell her.

"I'm a monster, Evie."

"You're not." She insists, grabbing hold of my shirt in frustration.

"Yes, I am."

"I don't see you as that."

"That's because I'm different when I'm with you. You make me better."

"Isn't that a good thing?" She questions, failing to understand.

"Evie, it's a wonderful thing! I just... I did some horrific things when I still thought you were dead. My world was a dark, disgusting and ugly place. I hated everyone and everything, especially the women who were alive when you weren't."

"I'm not saying that's ok to feel that way but I understand."

"You don't..." I murmur, shaking my head. "You really don't."

"Tell me, baby. Let me help you."

Her eyes implore me to open up to her, relentless in her quest to uncover my secret and find out the truth.

"Not here."

"Then where?"

"Your house." I reply, dragging her back towards the car. "We need absolute privacy."