Monstrous Love

Chapter Twenty-nine

Chapter Twenty-nine

I run all the way there, ignoring the pain in my chest and the noise in my ears. I can't stop for a single moment or I might change my mind, jeopardising everything.

It's like I'm being pulled by something so much stronger than myself, tugging me towards him as I sprint faster and faster.

Please be home, please be home, please be home.

He can't have done it yet. He can't have turned himself in.

Not yet.

Not tonight.

My legs are weak and my heart feels like it might burst out of my chest by the time I reach his apartment, banging on his front door in despair.

"Niall!" I scream. "Niall, open the door!"

No answer.

I crumble on his doorstep, hugging my knees to my chest as I sob in silence.

He's gone.

Footsteps approach me but I can't look up, consumed by insurmountable pain and excruciating sadness as I realise I was too late.

"Evie?"

The sound of his voice startles me and I scream, scrambling to my feet.

"Niall?!" I exclaim loudly, trying to catch my breath. "Tell me. Tell me you haven't been to the police yet? Tell me you haven't told them."

"N-no, not yet." He stammers, struggling to understand why I'm here. "I've... I've just been to your house."

"I know." I tell him. "I read your letter."

"You did?" He asks, sounding surprised. "I thought you might have burnt it."

"You said you're going to hand yourself in?"

"That's right." He replies sadly, lowering his head.

"What made you decide that?"

"I can't live with this anymore and I don't want you to either. I don't want you involved in this so I'm going to the police myself."

"You... you know what it will mean, don't you?"

"The rest of my life in prison." He answers weakly. "It's what I deserve."

"This means this will be the last time I see you."

"I didn't expect to see you at all." He admits, raking his fingers through his hair. "I know you hate me, Evie."

"I did." I confess, taking note of how terrible he looks. "I mean I do."

"You know I don't blame you that."

He's physically and mentally exhausted, barely able to stand as he sways in front of me. Dark circles beneath his eyes and a hollow face, almost like he's been starving himself.

"C-can I come inside?"

"You mean you want to?" He asks, inhaling sharply.

"Yes."

He moistens his lips and rubs his hands together, trying to keep warm. He's absolutely freezing without his coat and his whole body is trembling.

"Come on in." He whispers, making sure he doesn't touch me as he unlocks his front door.

I'm grateful he didn't try and reach out for me and follow him inside, watching him shove both hands in his pockets as we climb the stairs.

"Look at the state of this place." I remark bitterly, observing his unmade bed, mountain of dishes and broken furniture.

"I... erm... kind of lost control." He mumbles, leaning back against the closed door behind him. "I don't really notice it anymore."

"Have you been sleeping?"

"Not at all." He says, shaking his head. "You?"

"Hardly"

"Evie, we... we don't have to do this."

"Do what?"

"This." He emphasises, rubbing the centre of his forehead.

"I just wanted to know if you really meant everything you said in your letter."

"I meant every word." He replies sincerely, looking me straight in the eyes.

"Then this is our last chance..."

"Our last chance?" He prompts, urging me to continue.

"If this is the last time I'm ever going to see you then I want it to mean something."

"How?"

I shake my head, struggling to say it. I can't believe I actually want to say it.

"Hold me." I mumble softly, lowering my gaze.

"Evie, you don't want me to do that." He warns me, holding his hands out to stop me.

"Niall, just do it." I urge him, taking a step forward. "Make it better."

"I'm not sure I'm capable of that, Evie."

"You are."

"But you shouldn't want me to. You despise me."

"I despise what you've done." I tell him, my eyes brimming with tears. "There's a difference."

"You mean...?"

"This is our last chance to be together and I need this if I'm expected to live the rest of my life without you."

"I... I don't want to tarnish... I don't want to ruin what we once had."

"I think you've already done that." I point out bitterly. "You've taken away our future... let us have tonight."

"Y-you're sure this is what you want?" He asks me, his eyes widening with disbelief.

"Touch me." I beg, standing right in front of him. "Tonight is all we have."