HOSPITAL BEDS • Elounor •

11 | Already

CHAPTER XI

"Already"

I did it. I took the next step in my recovery and I finally sat on my wheelchair. In some other time, I would have hated it so badly. But now, all I could think of was Eleanor walking around in that garden, alone. Maybe even dying.

"Well, this is a huge step, Louis." Nancy told me opening the bedroom door.

"Can we just- go in silence?"

"Sure."

As soon as I crossed the door, with Nancy pushing me in my chair, I regretted so badly. I thought all eyes would be on me, all people around me looking at me with pitiful eyes... but reality was different.

Nobody paid attention to me. Nobody noticed my wheelchair. So all I did was relaxing, because finally I could.

When we got to the garden, a few patients were there too. The place was not a garden but more like a park. Somehow it was even beautiful. Without thinking it twice, I searched for Eleanor. And my attempt to find her must have been pretty obvious because Nancy took me straight near her.

Eleanor was sitting on a bench under a giant tree looking at her feet. Nancy stopped at a bench near Eleanor's.

"Do you want me to go? Would you like to stay alone for a moment?"

"Yes, please. Thanks."

Slowly, she walked away and now I was on my own. I felt panic for a second because I could not move. I was not mentally ready to handle my wheelchair yet. I was still in denial to even touch it. So I was dependent as a puppy.

Eleanor never noticed me there, which was a bit disappointing. I had got there, so I was not going to give up now.

"Eleanor," I shouted and half the garden turned to see me. I blushed immediately. Eleanor turned to me and her eyes opened as soon as she saw me. Well, my chair actually.

"What are you- I mean-" she could not believe I was there, and to be honest, me either.

"Can you come closer?"

"Come here, I won't bite you."

"I don't know how..." and I felt my embarrassment growing. I was so desperate to talk to her and I was not able to reach her. I guess she noticed I was ashamed, so she stood up and walked to where I was.

"Hi," she said standing next to me.

"Hey. How are you?"

"Fine. I can tell you're doing well," she told me looking at my chair. "Congratulations, by the way."

"For what?"

"You are here, outside. You finally left that awful room." My first thought was that she was going to mention the chair, but she didn't. She referred to me, to my situation.

"Well, thank you."

She sat down in the bench and helped me move the chair so I could face her. I could not believe how our moods could change so much in a second.

"Listen, El. I want to apologise for my behaviour before. I know you're going through a hard time and I didn't mean to make it worse for you."

"You don't have to worry about me, Louis. We're nothing."

"Nothing?" her words hit me as a slap in the face. "I thought we were-"

But then I realized she was right, we were nothing indeed. I was crazy if I thought I had any chance with her. Who would want a broken man as me?

"Don't get me wrong, Louis. I don't want you to get closer to me because... you may wake up one of these mornings and I won' be there. I'm used to be alone, you know?"

"We need to heal, Eleanor."

"I know."

"Healing can be a long road. Do you wanna walk it with me? Or maybe... pushing me while you walk?"

And then we burst out laughing. For the first time, we were genuinely smiling and laughing.

"If you think I can be of any help for you to heal, then I'll be there for you, Lou."

"Great. I'm already here for you, El."

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