Daddy Issues - Johnnyboy

18; junkies

We sat in the back seat of the police car for a long time, he had discussed with us the dangers of being alone and that if we didn't finish school we'd be fucked, the typical talk you give to 'runaways' All I did was sit back and stare out the window. Our chance of living a real good life together vanished completely, swept away like it was nothing, like we were nothing.

The weight on my chest was back, and I wanted to cry, the lump in my throat felt like it couldn't be swallowed. I looked to Pony and he looked like he was on the verge of tears as well. I honestly thought that maybe I could give him some money, but then he'd bring me in and ask me where I had gotten it, and I didn't need that on my hands.

I grabbed Ponyboy's hand and I squeezed it, making him look at me, the tears in my eyes were getting really big and I honestly thought I couldn't see. I wanted to blink, but if I did then they would spill, but then I did and hot, salty tears slid down my face and I started to shake, Ponyboy's face grimaced and pulled me in a tight embrace, and I hugged him back, letting the both of us just cry. The officer glanced at the both of us in the mirror and sighed sadly,

"I'm sorry," He told us and I just cried harder, clutching Ponyboy tightly.

The next days were just us driving and getting things for the both of us. We shot up in his house too, which is probably really disrespectful, but me and Pony really needed it. And I couldn't say no to him when I wanted the exact same thing. Luckily we were only high just for the night he let us sleep there, instead of 10+ hours, or three days.

Then he told us that we'd have to get on a plane. He paid for tickets and everything, and provided us with some new clothes and a shower since we had to stop by his home so he could let his wife know what he would be doing. It was just a big ruckus with us, I couldn't stop crying and blubbering about how sorry I was, even though I had done nothing wrong, I felt like I fucked everything up for the both of us,

I wanted to fix it, I really did but I didn't know what I was trying to fix, Was I trying to get my sanity back, was I trying to keep the promise I made to two-bit about how I wouldn't do it again, or was I trying to keep my promise of never coming back?

I really couldn't put my focus on that right now, we were boarding the plane and a secret part of me wanted to run at the last minute, just dash out of here with Pony without him looking, but unfortunately for me, he decided going with us would be best.

So we sat on that plane for a little less than two hours, I had suggested that we could just drive back or take the bus but he said that this was the fastest way we could get home. I started to think, as Ponyboy snuggled up to me for sleep, what would we say when we got back, would Soda and Ponyboy get separated? Oh shit, That's what most likely is gonna happen, I mean, Ponyboy only had a few months before turning 18 but still.

This was all too much, everything was all too much, I basically ruined Ponyboy's life, what would they say when they knew that we were queers? I almost forgot about that, I literally almost thought that we could go back and be lovey dovey without people judging us, of course not, I'd have to tell Ponyboy that we, for now at least, have to keep it a secret.

I didn't want to do that though. I wanted to shout that he was mine to the world- Wait, what even were we? We didn't really discuss being in a relationship, or anything like that for that matter. I wanted to now,

I glanced up and saw the officer in front of us, snoring. Ponyboy didn't look asleep, but relaxed though. Should I bring this up now? I honestly don't think I'll get a chance to when we get back so why not? What harm could it do? Honestly the last time I said that, shit went down. SO I'll avoid that question. I poked Pony's cheek and he smiled at me.

"Yeah?" He asked, still sitting up.

"Could I ask you something, Pony?" I asked him and he sat up, and looked at me.

"Yeah 'course," He said and I nodded. I swallowed and cleared my throat, god this was weird.

"Well, I've been thinkin' a whole lot and I was just- I was just curious as to what, like, what we were. You know?" I was fumbling, but at least I wasn't stuttering. I hated when I stuttered, I felt like a little kid caught in a dumb act.

"What-"

"Like, are we boyfriends? Friends with benefits or . . . ?" He smiled wide then, and giggled at me

"We can be anything you want us to be," He said and then it was my turn to smile.

"Would you- be my boyfriend, I mean." I asked, and he nodded and smiled again, kissing my cheek.

"Is that it?" He asked, wanting to relax again. And a really bad idea crossed my mind, and it was real stupid but, I thought it would pass the time.

"Would you wanna shoot in the toilet room?" I asked quietly and his eyes widened, he nodded fast and I smiled. We got up, excusing ourselves and went into the bathroom. He smiled as he prepared the things, there was a mirror in the room and I glanced at it quickly but then back down, but then when I realized what I just saw, I looked back up. And I looked at us both, I saw in the mirror that Pony was fumbling with the belt.

We looked absolutely horrible, our skin was a tinted grey and our eyes were sunken in, our cheek bones as well. My eyes were dull and boring, his green eyes were an actual grey and looked as if he was dead. We both looked like we were dying. I can't believe I haven't looked in the mirror until now.

We shot up anyway though, doing it quickly so the officer wouldn't notice our absence. We were higher than ever, and I thought that I was gonna die, I actually started to cry but we went out there anyway, fumbling over people, sitting in the wrong seats. The flight attendants looked at us weirdly but didn't question, we eventually went to our seats and sat back down.

Why did I decide to do this?