Poems galore!

My Depression

A/N: ok, I admit I struggle with depression too, but I hide it pretty well from my friends and family, which is not health, but I manage. Anywho, enjoy...!
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I'm the girl that always seems to have a smile on her face.
I'm the girl that always seems to have a wonderful attitude.
I'm the girl that always seems to have a more than perfect life.
I'm the girl that is coping with depression,
Or what seems like depression to me...

When I first met him,
It was easy.
Then came the feeling of being controlled,
My emotions shackled in my heart.
I guess I was faking my happiness just for him.
I don't know what I was doing,
I guess I was never truly in love with him... I don't know anymore...

When I was in his presence,
I did feel happy,
But not completely satisfied.
My need to feel loved wasn't met completely.
I thought I loved him with everything that I had,
But I was just blinded by the fact that he cared about her yet.
I was foolish to chose him thinking he would satisfie me...

But turns out he was just preoccupied with the thought of seeing me with nothing on.
I gave him my heart hoping he wouldn't hurt it when he asked about him seeing me and her at the same time.
I was jealous that I let him go with her while seeing me too.
But I hid that pretty well.

When the three of us were together,
I felt left out,
Like he wanted her more than me.
Like he just needed her and I meant nothing to him,
He took it as a joke that I wouldn't be bothered by this.
But I was, I didn't show that I was hurt and wanted to leave him.

But I didn't leave him for the sake of not hurting him.
I don't like hurting him or anyone for that matter.
I was confused as to why I let him see her.
But I let him do it anyway...
I left them be and pretended not to care.
But I did care about them being  together while me and him were together.

I started to grow a bit distant from him,
But not to much to alarm him.
I don't know if he noticed or not,
But my smile never reached my eyes again after I let him go with her.
I started to put a fake, yet real, smile on my face just for him.
My love to him started to dwindle down,
But there was just enough to keep us going.

Day in and day out,
I just wanted him to myself.
He told me to keep things a secret,
And I did for him.
By the time summer kicked into gear,
He was only seeing me, or so it seemed.
Only talking to her as a friend.
I believed that he wouldn't see her while I was gone.

And he did see her while I was away for the summer.
He revealed that to me one day.
He was seeing her behind my back.
During most of the time we talked,
He was talking to her and me.
I was talking to you while I was talking to him.
I don't know what they were talking about.
I just know when they were talking.

I don't know if he noticed or not,
But I acted like I was in love with him while we talked.
And with our love just about gone,
I started to fade away completely.
I didn't talk to him as much as I used to,
I didn't think of him as I used to,
I didn't really love him like I used to. His name and face never made me smile like it used to.

Now that we're not together anymore,
My heart has grown cold.
At times, I feel so sad to the point where I don't care anymore.
I put on a smile and pretend everything's fine when everything is crashing down around me.
He has changed me and I'm not who I used to be....

I feel like at any moment,
I'm going to break and let my demon out to play.
I feel like I'm going to break apart and no one can save me once I fall.
And once I fall into the abyss,
No one will hear my cries for help.
And once I'm gone,
I bet no one will realize that I'm even gone.

But, the only thing that is keeping my heart from freezing is you.
You're the one who keeps my heart thawed,
You're the one who keeps me from falling into the abyss,
You're the one who keeps me from breaking into a billion pieces,
And you're the one who I run to when I feel like this.

But, at times, I feel like I'm just faking my love for you.
By that I mean not feeling completely loved,
I don't know why, but I think it's his impact on my life has made me like this.
And believe me, I really do love you,
And I know you love me to death too.

I just can't shake the feeling of his impact on my life,
He broke me,
He changed me,
He made me be like him,
He changed everything,
He made me trust him while he was just playing with my emotions.
He pretended to love me just to win her back.

And he won her back,
Leaving me broken and shattered,
Dazed and confused,
And leaving me with nothing but a cold heart.
But you came along and helped me back on my feet,
Showing me true love,
Showing me that I'm never alone,
And you taught me how to let go.