I hate you (Thomas JeffersonXAlexander Hamilton)

Chapter 25

It had been a year since Thomas passed away... May holds my hand as we drive to the burial ground, a small bouquet of white lilies in my other hand. Just like the ones Thomas covered Nina in when she died. As we pull up to the grounds I hold Mays hand tighter. She glances over at me, giving me a sympathetic smile.

She parks the car and we walk down to where Thomas is buried. May stands back as I walk up to the gravestone, placing the lilies in front of it.

I kneel there. "Hello Thomas." I say smiling. "It's a beautiful day isn't it. I miss you... I really do... How's Nina? I'm sure she was very happy to see you. Say hi to her for me..." I pause for a moment. "May and I are back together. We're having a baby and we thought about naming it after you. Would you be okay with that?"

"I would love that Alexander." I hear Thomas say.

"T-Thomas?" I say, looking around in shock. "W-where are you... Thomas! Did you hear that May?" I say, turning to look at her.

May shakes her head sadly. "Alex, honey, I think it's time for us to go home. I think this is getting to you..." she says, putting her arm around me as I stand up.

"N-no... I heard him... I swear I did..." I mumble, tears forming in the corners of my eyes.

"I know you don't want to believe it but Thomas is dead..." she hugs me. "He's not coming back Alexander... Let's get you home..."

"W-wait..." I say, almost falling as I go back on my knees in front of the stone. I kiss my hand, pressing it to Thomas' name. "I love you..." I whisper, sitting there for another minute, tears rolling softly down my cheeks before getting up and joining May as we head back to the car and drive home.

May and I have finally moved out of our old apartment and into a small, older house far from the city. It's one floor, two bedrooms, one bathroom, a small kitchen and a slightly larger space that May and I use for everything from eating to work to movie nights with each other.

May pulls up in front of our house as the sun is setting. She takes my hand and we sit on a small bench behind our house, watching as the sky turns from a brilliant blue to beautiful shades of orange, pink and purple. May leaves for a minute to grab us a blanket and tea so I decide to close my eyes. I feel Thomas' arms pull me into him. I feel the warmth of his body against mine, but when I open my eyes Thomas' absence snaps me back to reality.

May comes to sit with me, a pale blue blanket draped over her shoulders and a small white cup of hot chocolate in each hand.

"Sorry, we didn't have any tea. Hot chocolate seems more like a comfort drink though right." She says smiling and handing me a cup. She wraps the blanket around us, cuddling up beside me.

"Thank you May." I say, taking a sip of the warm drink.

I sigh, putting the drink down and sitting back.

"Are you okay Alexander? I'm here for you. You can talk to me about anything." She says.

"Why does thinking about him... about Thomas... still hurt so much... It's been a whole year now... I don't understand..."

"Losing someone is hard... I still cry over losing my little brother. That was almost ten years ago now. It hurts because you miss him. He was always there and now he's gone..." she sighs. "Just... Don't make his death the only thing on your mind. Okay?"

"O-okay..." I don't think that made things any better... "umm... I'm sorry but I think I need to go to bed early..." I say, getting up.

"Oh... Sure. I'll join you in a bit." She says.

I kiss May quickly before getting into bed. I don't sleep at all. I stay up, wishing I could die... Wishing I could die so I could be with my loved ones again. Then May crawls into bed and I remember why I'm still here. I let myself smile sadly, pulling May into my arms.