the journal - h.s.

73

[amber’s pov]

I could hear him chuckle even when I for the third time finally closed the bathroom door behind me - this time with every single item I needed. I cupped my face with my hands still smiling widely at the reflection the mirror showed me; I didn’t really look like myself. There was something different, something a little more captivating than the usual sight that would meet me. Some glowing happiness, that the rose pink cheekbones and the wide white smile revealed. Some spark in my eyes, which reminded me of those from my childhood summer memories after an entire day with playing in the sun.

I shook my head lightly at the thought of Harry being just on the other side of the door in my room. If he hadn’t moved he was probably still half laying in over the mattress with that magnificent smile of his, that put my world on edge. Maybe he had grabbed one of the books close by and was not really noticing the words; just thinking about how we had fooled around and ended up with a fight of tickling in the mess of my duvet and pillow, like I did right now. How I had forced myself away that moment he had stopped moving his fingertips playfully over the most ticklish areas of my skin, how he had been hovering with his entire warm body over me. The way his grey t-shirt had been hanging away from his body and just touching mine. How his minty breath was so invitingly steady and the smirk started those fires I could never defeat.

But I had escaped his cage softly and dizzily grinning; I had tried gathering my stuff for my much needed bath. If my sensibility hadn’t been so terribly loudly yelling and so deeply annoying; I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself. I would have gone all the way with him, everywhere; followed him to the end of the world if that was where he went. But I needed more time to be absolutely sure; I just needed to be absolutely sure he was who I very much thought and hoped he was. It wouldn’t be like last time. I wouldn’t let myself be deceived like that ever again.

I took a deep breath and with my mind still buzzing, stripped off and turned on the water. I stood tall and couldn’t stop the butterflies even from the mere thought, that the boy who had possessed my soul and every thought was in the very next room. It felt safe in some way; safe and thrilling to know he was so close and so endlessly fascinating.

The warm water ran in indecisive wavy patterns down over my skin and it felt absolutely amazing. But this time the usually thought clearing sensation couldn’t wash away the image of all his details, that I loved so endlessly. I just wanted to finish up as quickly as I could to be back in his warm embrace, that felt better than even a warm shower which before had been my favorite way to get warm, collected and comforted.

Rinsing out the lavender shampoo I reached for the conditioner; which felt way too light in my grip. And finally the memory of my last shower came into my mind; I had discovered the conditioner to be empty and completely broken down in the shower following; mostly because I had been completely confused with the entire ‘Harry-running-off’ which had happened that very night. And just a simple thing as an empty conditioner - which wasn’t even that important - had just completely made my fragile self shatter and I had been angry with myself for the reaction too. Angry for not being able to keep myself together; that anyone else could be the reason for me breaking down like that. It shouldn’t be like that.

I guessed I had just simply suppressed the memory; and the memory of how I had even bought a new conditioner the dull Tuesday after, which still lay in that shopping bag in the other room. I rolled my eyes at myself and stepped out of the shower. Grabbing one of the huge white towels I secured it tightly around my body and pulled the door a little open with a heart beating out of my chest, as the water from my soaked hair ran down my bare back. The cooler air from the living room washed in over me and made every waterdrop on my humid skin turn chilly. The roaring water from the shower, that was merely abandoned for my simple mission almost drowned out Harry’s voice coming from the living room.