Swan Song [boyxboy]

Swan Song {7}

                I moaned a little and opened my eyes. My mom glanced over her shoulder and gave me an apologetic smile.

                “Sorry. I’m trying to get laundry done. I didn’t mean to wake you up. Do you want me to wash your hoodie?” she asked, gathering dirty clothes off of my floor.

                “No,” I mumbled, sleepily rubbing at my eyes. But then my eyes widened a little as I realized what I had said, and the fact that I was still cuddling with the hoodie. “Oh, yea, sorry. Wash it please.”

                Mom set my clothes down on my chair and came over, sitting next to me on my bed. She gently brushed my hair out of my face.

                “Jace, it’s okay to miss him,” she said softly.

                “I don’t miss him. I hate seeing him,” I said.

                “I mean it’s okay to miss the relationship. You fell in love with him,” she said. “You don’t just get over something like that.”

                “Yea, well, love sucks,” I said bitterly.

                “Jace, you’ve been growing more distant lately. To everyone, even me. Not everyone you love will leave you,” she said, and I could hear the slight trace of pain in her voice. She pulled me close, hugging me tightly, and I surprised to hear her voice choke a little as she continued to speak. “I’m sorry you have to go through this. I’m sorry your dad left. But not everyone will leave. And distancing yourself from people you love and who love you back will only hurt more in the end.”

                “No, trusting people who always leave me is what hurts in the end,” I snarled.

                “I’ve never left you,” she said, and the traces of hurt in that sentence shattered my heart.

                Why did I always do this to my mom? I was the shittiest son. She did everything she possibly could for me, supported me emotionally and financially, accepted me, and loved me with her whole heart, and all I ever did was hurt her and let her down.

                “Jace, please don’t get that look in your eyes,” she whispered, hugging me close again. “Please. I hate when you look like that. Like you’re so disgusted with yourself. Like you hate yourself.”

                I dropped my gaze to the hoodie, suddenly filled with self loathing. This whole time I had been blaming Mitch, but I knew that Rio was right. I was the one who walked away. I was the reason Shane and Mitch had been fighting. I broke my family, and I broke the Marion family.

                “Can you leave so I can get dressed?” I asked, pulling out of her arms and falling back against my pillows.

                She sighed sadly. “Jace, I think we really need to talk.”

                “I don’t want to talk!” I said angrily. “I want to get dressed. I’ve got things to do today.”

                She hesitated before standing up and nodding. She gathered my clothes in her arms and forced a smile for me before leaving my bedroom, shutting the door as she went.

                I clutched the hoodie to my chest, closing my eyes and silently apologizing to my mom in my head. God, she deserved so much better.

                I got out of bed and pulled on shorts and a tank top. I pulled on a beanie to hide my horribly messy hair. I had no desire to fix my hair.