They Don't Believe In Us

chapter xxvi

Chapter 25

They Don’t Believe In Us.

I waited patiently for the boys to finally emerge from backstage; they poured out – along with thousands of other teens all chatting excitedly. I stood relentlessly against the swarm of sweaty yet happy looking people, their voices swelling over the hot summer air. I rendered it useless trying to search for the five boys; instead I stood away from the crowds, where a handful of people milled around. I texted Gerard my location hoping that they wouldn’t take long pushing through the crowds of perspiring youths. I’d spent over seven hours on my own, listening to music of all genres and having to crane my neck in order to even barely see the stage. I was amazed that I’d managed to sit alone throughout the morning to the evening with older people that I didn’t know in a giant field in an unknown place without feeling like I wanted to be sick or run away and hide.

Perhaps it was the thought of Bob that kept me rooted to my place, sipping from my water bottle ever hour or so and clapping along to music despite how tone deaf some of the candidates where. Although, overall I knew it was because these four boys where my best friends; Gerard, Ray, Mikey and Frank, they’d been there for me and god knows I’d been there for them and we’d shared more in the months that I’d known them than I ever did in the years I’d known Emily. And in that moment it was that I knew I wanted to see My Chemical Romance succeed, more than I wanted Bob to reply to my goddamned text, more than I wanted that cute guy sat under the tree to meet my gaze, and more than I’d ever wanted anything more in my life. This wasn’t even my band, I wasn’t even a big part of it, I am a fan, supporting my best friends, but I’ll be damned if this band doesn’t become the biggest band one day, god knows they deserve it.

I took a swig of my water again, placing the cool edge against my burning forehead, it was seven pm and I was starving, the sky looked beautiful today, a strange mix of reds and pinks, an airplane drifted through the sky, leaving contrails – thin gashes in the skies colour, painfully reminding me of Gerard’s arms only a few nights ago - and I tried to guess where it was going, maybe California, or maybe somewhere more; England or possible Germany, however  possibly it was just landing in plain old Newark Liberty International Airport, although I didn’t want to believe that, I wanted to believe that this plane was destined for greater things, and that the people on this plane where out there living their dreams and grasping every opportunity that world threw at them. Conversely the Gerard from that night – that seemed like millenniums ago – was completely and utterly different from the Gerard on stage a mere hour ago, that Gerard was sad, sullen and a shrunken version of himself the old Gerard that spilled his feeling to an unknown and terribly afraid girl in an art supply cupboard, the Gerard who passed out on comic book floors and wouldn’t shower for weeks, no this Gerard was who I truly believed was the real Gerard, Gerard surrounded in friends, Gerard with his favourite coffee, singing and listening to the Smiths, Gerard when he kissed Frank, and Gerard when he looked at Lindsey, Gerard on stage screaming at the crowds and dancing around the stage, any uncertainties washed away with the lyrics he sung.

It was also then that I realised I hadn’t videotaped their set, they hadn’t asked me to, and they probably wouldn’t, but I was disappointed with myself, this could be classed as their first real gig - My Chemical Romance’s first show. And it fucking rocked.

My phone buzzed, I opened it eagerly, almost wishing it would be Gerard – telling me they were coming, because I was utterly bored out of my mind, or that it would be Bob – who still hadn’t replied to my text, sent half an hour ago. It was from Steve, Steve Righ – I’d almost forgotten that we’d exchanged numbers after the short-lived chemistry between us where we’d caught eyes in the rear-view mirror and had nearly caused the car to crash. I felt a blissful wave of emotions rush over me as I thought of that night we went to the carnival.