Confessions of a Teenage Broadway Star

24 » ❝Helpless❞

"Down for the count and I'm drowning in 'em!"
- Helpless, Hamilton: An American Musical

CONFESSION NUMBER TWENTY-FOUR: In all her eighteen years, Scarlett has felt quite a lot of things: stage fright, confusion, exhilaration - usually in that order, especially when performing - and more recently, something she can't quite put her finger on, typically occurring whenever her eyes land on the dark-haired boy who somehow makes her feel all three at once.

        And she's gotta say, it's torture.

        If Scarlett thought that the musical was her biggest worry of the year, she was devastatingly mistaken, because now she's reached the dreaded home-stretch of high school - the final weeks leading up to big final concerts and even bigger final decisions. And she's starting to feel a lot like Morticia singing about how her death is "just around the corner", but she's thinking that the song might not do as much cheering up for her as it does for the Addams. Now she's got planning upon planning to do in little to no time, and it doesn't help that the only thoughts her brain can manage are Parker, Parker and Parker.

        And then there's the matter of the kiss. The one that occurred behind the curtain, not the one in New York. Scarlett can't help but wonder how she wandered into having more than one kiss to reference at all. Somehow it's become perfectly impossible for her to stop thinking about it, and she catches herself pacing back and forth in her room like the Baker's Wife after Cinderella's Prince left her in the forest, endlessly wondering was that him? Was that me? Did he really kiss me? And kiss me, and kiss me?

        And did I kiss him back?

        No. She absolutely did not kiss him back. But even if she did, it was only because he started it. Well, technically she started it, but it's all just so confusing, and her love life has become nearly as intricate and confusing as Angelica's rap verse in 'Satisfied', but even Scarlett can't simply rewind to find her answer. And with Prom, Spring Celebration, university acceptances and graduation right around the corner, the last thing she's got the time to think about is singing "Helpless" with Parker as her Hamilton.

        Still, Scarlett must be distracted by the thought of this for some time now, because by the time April, Audrey and Peyton find her, she's still sitting atop the counter in the green room of the church, halfway finished pinning her corsage to her dress and stuck with a stupid smile on her face.

        "Earth to Scarlett? Hello? Anyone home?"

        Scarlett blinks. "Huh?"

        Audrey chuckles, "You find a castle up there with your head in the clouds?"

        Almost tipping off the counter completely, Scarlett becomes aware of her surroundings again, looking about the room in a bit of a daze. The entire senior class is temporarily squished into the back half of the church where the school always holds their annual Spring Celebration concert, and Scarlett and her friends have found solace in a small green room filled to the brim with plants - but luckily, no other students fighting for leg room. "How long have I been out?" she asks, climbing down and meeting her friends' gaze with flushed cheeks.

        "Oh, only twenty minutes or so..." Peyton trails off, smoothing her black choir dress with a chuckle. "Long enough for Audrey to come up with a decent Les Mis reference," she chuckles. "You were thinking about him again, weren't you?" she asks, graciously taking the corsage from Scarlett's arms and pinning it neatly to her choir dress for her.