Holding on to whats' worth

Chapter 23 + Adam's P.OV

Chapter 23

Two weeks before Track Nationals, the track team was training harder than ever. I missed a few classes just to hit the track and gym. Since our school are all for achievements, the track team had some liniency in those areas and were let off easy.

Basically, we were training six days a week, three with the team, and three on our own.

I had no time to deal with other matters like guys or the latest gossips. I only texted the girls and Duke, but I never had the time to go out. My parents were out of town and my step-brother, Blaine, booked back into college. So I was alone most of the time and that was okay.

The problem was, I felt tired. Physically, mentally and emotionally drained. I felt empty, I felt numb. There was a void in me that track or ice-cream couldn’t fill. I distant myself from people throughout the week, because I was too tired to deal with Lana’s love story with Flynn, or Aiden and Leslie’s love dates. I defintely had no time to reconciled with Justin or Duke, because I simply did not care.

A lot of times, I contemplated if it was a rage of hormones, but the longer I think about it, the more I realised I felt this way a number of times since I met my friends. I began thinking if maybe I was even happy with who or where I was. If I was even doing what I ought to be doing.

Nonetheless, I let it all out on the track. I ran and trained on my own. Giving myself just one day to rest. Even so, I felt like I needed to train everyday. I stepped it up, and had a training session twice a day, six days a week. I always came home sore, dragging my feet to an ice bath, feeling dead inside when I went to bed.

I wasn’t happy inside, I felt empty.

Numb as I was, some nights I found myself crying to sleep with no clue why. I read in some biography that these were signs of bipolar disorder. Began the nights where I contemplated having a mental disorder. Some days I ate like a horse, snacking all the time. But other days, I loath eating and just couldn’t figure out why. I couldn’t even talk to my friends about it, I doubt they’ll understand. They probably think it’s a hormonal phase, and some day I’ll look back and laugh.

Even it were to be true, I thought that that possibilty was ridiculous. I couldn’t be through ‘just another phase’ if it affected me so much emotionally. Especially since the signs of the disorder were creepily similar to the author of that biography book. Nonetheless, there’s no way I could be mentally unsound right? I was probably burnt out from the week.

“Rob, you alright?” Adam looked over concerned. We were just chilling in his cousin’s room since he went to work. “You seem distant lately. Not just physically, I just notice how you’re not exactly there when we’re together. Is something bothering you?”

Hanging from his bed, with The Neighbourhoods playing in the background, I didn’t realise that I haven’t said a word since we settled in.

“Oh, sorry no I’m all good, what’s up?

“You can hide your troubles from the world, but not from me Robin Green. Don’t tell me it’s exhaustion or PMS because I will steal your waffles later.”

Adam sighed and threw a pillow to my face. I grunted, feeling lazy to even want to participate in this conversation.

“It’s nothing dingus! I’m just.. tired, really tired.”

Strangely enough, Adam seem to have gotten the idea of exhaustion I was pointing to. He sighed and sat next to me on his bed.

“Do you feel empty? Like the ocean in you is totally drained out? Like the light you had is fading from the weak lightbulb, not dead but fading?”