Falling Apart (On Hold)

Chapter Twenty-One

Sorry for taking so long! :) But now the good part is coming up...and I'm like super excited! I just didn't know how to write this out but now I finally got it :D And note that this is a turning point in the story!

-

Cash held my hand as we walked down the park, talking about trivial things. He didn't have work, neither did I, and I was ridiculously happy because I loved spending time with my boyfriend of nine months.

He made me happy. When he was around, I didn't feel like I was missing something. He filled the hole in my heart and put that smile on my face. Even in such a short time, he'd become my everything.

Then something knocked into my leg and startled, I stumbled. Cash's warm, big hands grabbed me by the arms and he righted me just in time, looking concerned. "You alright, baby?" he asked.

I nodded and looked down to see a soft soccerball at my feet. I picked it up and glanced across to see two little boys, probably twins and at about four to five years old, edging closer to us, looking shy and cautious. A teenage girl a few yards behind them was obviously urging them to come forward to retrieve the ball.

Beside me, Cash smiled and walked me towards the kids. I was kind of awed to see the affectionate expression on his face and a little surprised, too. We'd never talked about children before, we weren't that serious, but around kids it was like his hard exterior melted. He was so sweet.

"Hey, buddy," Cash squatted down in front of the adorable little boys and smiled at them. One of them ran back to his sister or baby-sitter probably while the other one only glanced behind his shoulder, as if asking the girl, Is this okay?

When she nodded, he shyly smiled back and mumbled a 'hello'.

My heart melted to a puddle at that moment.

"I'm Cash," he held out a hand. "You like soccer?"

The little boy nodded and tentatively took his hand. "Mommy always says not to talk to strangers," he said.

"Well, I'm not a stranger anymore, am I? I told you my name," he grinned.

"Umm...I'm Tobey," he finally gave in.

I decided to finally speak and held out the soccerball I held in my hands. "Hi, Tobey," I smiled at him sweetly. "Here's your ball."

"Thank you, Miss," he blushed. I laughed and Cash and I shared a look that made buttterflies flutter in my stomach.

After a little while, the other boy, whose name we found out was Damon came back towards us, tugging on his brother's arm. "Come on, Tobey," he whined, glancing at us suspiciously. I couldn't help, but smile and stood up.

"Well, we'll leave you to your game," I said and Cash stood up, ruffling Tobey's dark brown hair. "Have fun, sweetheart."

We glanced back one last time to see Damon and Tobey running off to their guardian. "They were so cute," I gushed with a sigh.

Cash turned to me and smiled. "Yeah. You ever think about having one?" he asked casually, his fingers threading through mine again.

I was surprised at the question, but then warmth spread through me. This was crossing a new boundary in our relationship, talking about children, and I loved it. "Yeah," I finally said. "I want to have a big family."

Cash leaned closer and kissed my cheek, his minty breath washing over my skin. "I do, too."

-

Cash's parents came and went and before I knew it, six months had passed.

Tanner was already speaking and he knew how to say mama and dada and a couple other non-intelligible words. He also knew how to crawl and was attempting to stand up and I was glad that our house was one-story. I didn't have to worry about Tanner falling down stairs or hurting himself that way.

But aside from Tanner, it was Pierce that put that smile on my face every morning. We had moved a little fast, I was willing to admit that. But I knew it was right. I loved him to death and him moving in barely made any difference. He used to always sleep over anyway.

I was still not talking to Paige. She was relentless. There was no arguing with Paige when she made up her mind. I missed her. I had missed the twin's birth. It was from my mother that I learned what she named her children: Shannon and Jordan. I just wished we'd get past the Pierce issue and be best friends again.

"What are you thinking about, baby?" Pierce asked, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind as I stirred the fried rice.

"Nothing really," I said, not mentioning Paige's name to him. He always got a little tense when I talked about her and I couldn't blame him. But I still missed her terribly.

"If you're sure," he kissed behind my ear and I giggled because it tickled a little.

"Where's Tanner?" I asked, not seeing him around.

Pierce reached out to turn off the stove and turned me around so he could cup my cheeks in his large hands. "He's playing in the living room." His head swooped down to kiss me on the lips and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Dinner's ready," I whispered to him after we pulled back from each other.

A smile spread over his face. "You get Tanner washed up and I'll get the plates and drinks," he said, pecking my forehead before backing away.

I ran my fingers playfully across his chest as I passed by him and went to the living room. Tanner was gripping the edge of the coffee table and standing on wobbly legs. My jaw dropped in astonishment. "Pierce!" I cried out as my eyes lit up and I neared Tanner until I was about three feet away from him. Then I dropped onto my knees.

"What's wrong?" he called back and I heard his footsteps come closer.

"Come look," my voice dropped to a whisper.

I felt Pierce's presence standing behind him and looked over my shoulder to see a bright smile on his face. "He's standing," Pierce said softly.

I nodded with a laugh. Tanner fell back onto his bottom a little while later and I scooped him up in my arms. "We're so proud of you, sweetheart," I kissed him all over his face and he giggled.

"Ma ma!" His hands grabbed my face as he smiled.

"Yes, mama is very proud of you," I hugged him to my chest. Pierce sat down beside me and pulled us both into the circle of his arms.

"Good job, buddy," he said to Tanner, kissing his head.

"Da da," Tanner rested his head on my shoulder and reached out for Pierce. We just smiled a little, but I felt a twinge of sadness within me. Tanner had been calling Pierce dada for a while now. He was too young to understand that Pierce wasn't his real father and I planned to tell him who his real father was when he was able to understand.

"Come on," Pierce lifted my son from my arms and held him up in the air, making him giggle. "Let's go eat," he said, bringing him down and holding him in one arm.

I stood up with a smile. This was my family. My perfect family. And I loved it so much. It was everything I'd ever wanted.

I began to follow Pierce and Tanner to the living room when I suddenly stumbled. My eyes widened in shock and I got a glimpse of a red truck before I crashed to the floor.

"Tessa!?" Pierce's startled voice called and I heard Tanner's cry, but my mind was already drifting to unconsciousness...

-

"Tessa? Baby? Can you hear me?"

My eyes flickered, but I couldn't get it to open. I wanted to though. God knows I did. I could faintly hear Pierce's voice and it sounded like...he was...crying?

"Tessa, darling." That was my mother's voice. She was sobbing, too. But I didn't know why. What was it that made them cry so much? I'd just fallen...right? I hadn't been looking and tripped over one of Tanner's toys.

I groaned softly and tried to open my eyes. This time I succeeded, but it fell shut just as fast because of the brightness of the room. "Tessa?" Pierce sounded alarmed.

"P-Pierce?" I stammered, my eyes peeking open. I saw my my mother, father and Pierce standing around my bed and Tanner was in my dad's arms.

"Ma ma! Ma ma!" Tanner began to cry out for me when he saw that I was awake.

I reached out for him, but Pierce gently pushed me back. Tears were evident in his eyes. "What's wrong?" I asked, confused, raising my hand to wipe the moistness. "What happened? I just fell...it's no big deal."

My mother let out a sob. "Oh sweetheart. I'm so sorry," she leaned over and hugged me tightly.

"What's wrong?" I asked, a feeling of dread creeping over my spine.

But before anyone could answer, the doctor came in. He smiled warmly. "Hello, Tessa. It's so good to see you're awake!" he exclaimed.

I smiled back. "Thanks. It's good to be awake," I admitted.

"Well, I'm just going to do the usual check-up and then you'll be free to go. You had a nasty fall there, but there's no permanant damage and you'll be fine," he told me. He came over and checked my eyes and everything. When he finished, he glanced over his shoulder to my family. "If you would please just step out of the room now? I have to speak to Tessa about something private," he said politely.

I tilted my head in confusion as everyone else filed out of the room. Then the doctor turned to me with a grim expression on his face. "Tessa, were you aware that you were pregnant?" he asked.

It was like the breath was knocked out of me. Pregnant? Me? Again? Understanding dawned on me; was this why my family was so upset? That I was pregnant?

"I didn't know...I didn't have any of the signs, except for being a bit more hungry," I admitted. Even when I was pregnant with Tanner, I hadn't really felt nauseous at all. I'd realized I was pregnant when I had gone on two months without having my period.

"You were pregnant," he said. "Two months, actually," he added.

"Were?" I echoed, feeling that same dread as before.

"I'm sorry, Tessa. You had a miscarriage."

I felt like I'd just been socked in the stomach. "The baby's gone?" I whispered. I suddenly felt so empty...losing the baby I never even got to know.

"Yes. Would you like me to send your family back in?" he asked kindly, sympathy in his dark eyes.

"Just Pierce, please," I said quietly, falling back against the pillows.

He nodded and left the room quietly. A few minutes later, Pierce stepped in. "He told you, didn't he?" he asked softly, looking crushed. His eyes were red and there were dark circles under it.

"I'm...I'm so sorry, Pierce. I couldn't protect our baby." I put my face in my hands and began to cry.

Quickly, he was at my side and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to his chest. "Tessa....it's okay, baby. It wasn't your fault...but tell me this. Did you know?" he asked, moving back and grabbing my wrists gently.

I shook my head. "No..." I whimpered. "I didn't even know." I buried my face against his shirt and began to sob.

"We'll get through this," he said and held me tightly.