Ever loved someone so much , it hurt when you realize you can't have them?
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IVY'S P.O.V
I wasn't expecting Dr. Aggarwal to be a calm, young and patient man oozing benevolence. I certainly didn't expect him to be a great listener either. His eyes gleamed with empathy when I narrated horrific incidents of my childhood and the nightmares I would have of Ethan torturing me, I was honest and told him everything, not leaving anything behind.
Unlike other therapists who would pretend to listen but end up cutting you off, asking you out of the blue questions that are hurtful without thinking twice, Vihaan wasn't like that at all.
"Tell me something Ivy," Vihaan says, crossing his leg. "What made you want to see me? Take your time, there is no rush."
I breathe in to wash the lava slowly starting to explode in my stomach, carefully collecting my thoughts one by one. "I honestly don't know," I tell him, breathing in again. "I shouldn't be here but I can't keep pretending I'm strong to control what I feel, what I think... because they break me."
"I'm happy you are here," he responds and sips his tea. "It's better to get it solved instead of continuing to sleep on it, not taking you anywhere but a pool that has no shallow end."
I sip my coffee and set the mug down folding my arms in front of my chest, digging my fingernails into my skin. "How do you know that?" I ask with interest.
"Know what? About the pool thing? Ivy, understanding the youth is my hobby. I don't see this as a job. I'm a father, it is my duty to understand all that my son goes through. Helping people, I want to keep doing it till I'm no longer breathing."
Vihaan looks at me with a small smile. "What is it about your father that scares you?"
I'm not sure if I can do this. Fine, I didn't hold back all this time when I told him about how dad abused mom. Talking about what has been eating me inside for so many years, this is different. I sigh. "I can't."
"Why not?"
"If I do, I feel like he's standing next to me choking the hell out of me. And I don't want to remember what it's like. I'm here for a reason and I want it gone."
"It'll go if you let go of yourself and feel free. He isn't here and isn't going to hurt you. He can't hurt you."
I open my mouth, I praying to god what I'm going to let out will never come back to haunt me ever again. I want to feel a change that isn't painful. A change that will last for a lifetime. Change that will make me forget the pain I had witness, carrying it on my shoulders. I want to feel the difference.
"I feel there's poison my dad had been feeding me since I was little and I'm afraid I might turn out to be like him," I don't hold back . "I want to be committed when I'm with someone or when I'm doing something. I want to feel the kind of love which is everlasting and doesn't diminish too quickly."
