Never with Me (Book 1)

[2]: Bruises

        I opened the backdoor of the pack house,  turning, I closed the door softly, until I head the tiny click of the door as it was securely shut.  I made as little noise as possible, hoping to not awaken anyone within.  As I turned around, and proceeded through the kitchen I had to go through in order to get to the stairs, that led to the upper portion of the Western wing where my bedroom resided, I noticed Damien and Rachel in front of the refrigerator.  The only light, coming from the tiny bulb that flickered to life every time the door opened.  Illuminating the room in a soft glow.  I watched as Damien held Rachel in his arms, placing a chaste kiss on her nose and then nuzzling her neck.  I heard her giggle slightly and then a whisper soft moan eminated from her mouth.  I sat there, staring at the spectacle in front of me, before hurriedly trying to get around them before they noticed my presence.  However, I was never that lucky.  I was never lucky, period.  I was three steps from exiting the room, when Rachel turned and caught my movement from her peripheral vision and turned towards me.

"Leilani, is that you? You scared me for a second there." I heard her say.

I turned my head towards their direction.  Never really meeting either of their eyes directly.

"Sorry." I mumbled.
"Where did you just come from?" I heard Damien state with a touch of concern in his voice.
"Outside."
"Outside doing what?"
"Couldn't sleep, so I ran for a little."
"This late at night?"
"Yea."
"By yourself?"
"Yea."
"Are you okay?"
"Yea."
"You sure?"
"Yea."

        With that, I turned my head back in the direction of the stairs.  Hoping to end the awkward and stilted conversation we were having.  Hoping that my eyes never showed my pain.  Hoping that the facade I lived with, was in place.  I let the numbness envelope me.  I could live through being numb, feeling nothing.  The pain, I could not.

"Night." I stated, and proceeded to the stairs as fast as my legs could take me.

        As I reached the landing to the stairs, I heard Damien tell Rachel how much he loved her and my facade cracked for a second, and a solitary tear slid down my face before my mask came back on.  I heard the stairs creek under my weight as I ascended the stairs.  Reaching the door to my bedroom, I opened it, walked it, and closed it.  I pressed my back to the door, and rested my head against it.  Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath as I felt my stomach plummet and the demonic butterfly feeling came to life in me.  I always felt it after I saw them.  It was this slow ache within me, that I couldn't shake.  My breathing would become shallow, and I would sometimes place my hand on my stomach.  As if I were trying to hold my feelings inside.   My slow breathing helped at times, but there were times the panic would overcome me, and I felt like I was suffocating.  When those times came, I made an excuse and always ran to my safe spot in the woods.  I spent hours there until the attack subsided, before making my presence known again to the pack.  I would get questioned from time to time where I was, but I quickly deflected them.  I plastered a smile on my face, and gave them a flippant remark.  It always worked.  They never had a clue.  I was Leilani, always happy, always willing to help, always there.  My brother, family, and pack had no clue.

        I pushed off my door, and heading to my adjourning bathroom.  Stripping my sweat drenched clothes off my body while doing so.  I turned the water on in the shower, and as I waited for it to heat up before stepping inside, I turned towards the mirror above my sink.  I looked at my torso, and saw the evidence of the pain that had been inflicted on me a little less than an hour ago.  Deep purple bruises criss-crossed from my upper chest. down to my upper thighs.  When I first started experiencing the pain, the bruises would heal within a few hours, leaving my skin free of blemishes. But as days turned into months, and months turned into years, my wolf had weakened.  And the bruises that should have been healed long before, began staying for longer and longer periods of time.  Now, it took days for the bruises to heal from my body instead of hours.  Soon I knew they would be permanent reminders of the future I had lost, and the one forced upon me.