Never with Me (Book 1)

[6]: Doubt

[Damien's POV]

        I was standing at the top of the stairs watching my pack members mingling below, as I was waiting for Rachel to join me so that we could make our entrance.  She was always five minutes late for everything, and this time would be no different.  It was many of the quirks I had learned about her in our five year relationship.  We had planned this party for weeks, with her thinking it was a surprise party for Alex to ask his mate, Abby, for her hand in marriage.  Little did she know, it was her own engagement that would be announced soon.  I tucked my hand into my pant pockets, and enclosed my hand around the small black velvet box that was temporarily taking residency there.  Needing to make sure that I had it on my person's.  Even-though, I had checked at least a half dozen times before that.  Anxiety ratcheted through my body for a second, before I took a fortifying breath to settle my anxious nerves.

        That's when I noticed Leilani at the top of the stairs directly across from me.  I watched as she rushed down the stairs, the train of her dress in her hands.  Red shoes peeking out from under her black dress.  I watched as the light from the overhead chandelier refracted off the beads on her dress.  It reminded me of the night sky and all its stars.  As she reached the landing, I saw her turning her head left and right, as if searching for someone.  As she stood there for a second, I took in her beauty.  I had always thought her to be pretty, but I had never given myself the luxury of actually looking at her for what she had grown up into.  She was breath-taking, with an innate grace to her movements.  Her heritage gave her an unique exotic look, with thick shining brown hair.  Her frame was petite, with curves in the places a man wanted there to be.  She was statuesque standing at 5'9".  Taller in comparison to most Lycan females, but not too tall.  If I were kissing her, I would not have to lean down as far as I had to with Rachel, I wonder what it would be like to do that.  Knowing I shouldn't be having those thoughts about anyone other than Rachel, I felt my guilt rising in me.

        Before I could do anything about my feelings of guilt, I watched as Leilani wove a path through the members of the pack.  I watched as she stopped for a second or two, smiling and blushing at whatever the Lycan she was had passed, said something to her.  I watched as unmated males look at her with lust in their eyes, and watching her as she made her way through the crowd.  It unsettled my inner wolf, and a quick tide of jealousy came crashing around me.  My hands clenched the railing, and I was slowly losing control of my rage, when I felt her hand on my shoulder.  Rachel, there was Rachel to think about.  I had to get these feelings under control, and I needed to find a solution on how to permanently break this wretched bond that was forced upon me.

        I turned looking at the woman I believed was the love of my life, and smiled at her.  She was beautiful in such a different way.  She always had been.

"Baby, are you ready to head down?" I heard her say.
"Of course, heart."

        I extended my arm out to escort her down the stairs.  We took the first couple of stairs down, and my guilt came rearing back.  Here I was, with the woman I loved, having only minutes ago lusted after another woman.  Turning slightly to Rachel, I gave her a small kiss on the lips, hoping to assuage some of the guilt I was feeling.  Hoping to cement my love for her.  I leaned down and whispered in her ear.

"You look ravishing tonight, heart.  I can't wait to get you out of that dress later."

        She giggled and blushed prettily at that, and then I noticed that the entire pack had stopped talking.  Their eyes looking up at us expectantly, waiting for us to descend the stairs.  And as we continued down the stair, welcomed them all.

"Welcome all of Mountain Meadow Pack.  On behalf of Abby and myself, I want to thank you for attending this celebration on such short notice.  If you can all continue on to the backyard, dinner will be served shortly, and I will announce the reason behind this affair to you."

       As the members of the pack began filing out to the back yard, Rachel and I briefly hung back waiting for the crowd to disperse to allow us to each our table.  When we had exited the back door, I scanned the area making sure that everything was in order.  When I noticed Leilani standing next to Alex, up on the table at the platform.  My eyebrows furled together in agitation.

"Baby, I hope you didn't mind.  But I sat Leilani next to you.  Her brother asked me if she could sit with us.  I know she holds no title as Alex and you do, within the pack.  But she is alone and by herself, and Alex worried about her sitting in the unmated section.  You know how protective of his little sister he is.  Are you mad?"

"Of course not, I just wasn't expecting it is all.  There is nothing you can do that could make me angry or ever stop loving you."

        I watched as a look of wariness filter across her face for a split second.  Not understanding what it was about.  But before I could even question it,  I felt Rachel tugging at my arm to walk to our table.  Still trying to figure out what that fleeting look was about , I realized it wasn't the first time I had seen that cautious look spread across her face.  I had seen in time and time again over the years, but never really questioned it until this moment.  Deciding to talk to Rachel later about it, we continued to progress to our table.  That was when I looked forward, and noticed Leilani had her back to us.  I hadn't noticed the plunging nature of her dress at the back until now, and lust immediately sprang to life inside of me.  The indention on her spinal cord, called out to me.  I wanted to cherish it, and skim my index finger down it, until it hit under the last of the fabric that barely covered her delectable derriere.  Frustrated with myself, I clenched my teeth.  As we stepped up on the platform, I told the occupants of the table evening.  I slid the chair out for Rachel to sit, and while pushing in her chair.  I noticed Leilani standing to the side awkwardly, watching both sets of couples, before taking her own seat.  That's when I noticed the small sad smile on her face, before she moved her head in a downcast expression.  Staring at her hands in her lap.