Never with Me (Book 1)

[8]: Numb

A/N: I realize I am updating this story quite quickly, but I have words stirring around in my brain.  I am a bit OCD in nature, and once I know what I want to say, I will hunker down and do it, until the words cease to exist in my brain.  This chapter will be a mix of Leilani, Alex, and Damien's POV
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[Leilani's POV]

        I don't remember standing up and walking to the backdoor to go up to my room.  I have no idea how I got from the table to here.  I just know that I am here, taking one look back.  One final look at the future I had been condemned to.  The residual hope that had lived deep within my soul, finally dying its slow death.  Leaving nothing but this numbness in the aftermath of its death.  I looked back at the only part of my soul that was left living and breathing, Damien.  I had known there was no hope for an us, but my wolf and my heart had hung on for awhile on the slim chance that he would change his mind.  Only now, with his engagement to Rachel, had I finally set that hope free.  I watched as members of the pack, my brother, and Abby surround the happy couple offering up their congratulations.  Watched as they were hugged, and Damien's back being slapped.  It was just too much for me.  I needed to get out and away.

        I turned around and slowly made my way through the kitchen.  Hearing the sounds of plates being washed and stacked.  People talking amongst themselves.  The sounds of an alive kitchen, but feeling as if I were hearing it from a long tunnel.  I climbed the staircase, and walked to the door of my bedroom.  Resting my hand on the doorknob, I leaned forward and placed my forehead on the coolness of my door.  Letting tears leak from my eyes, before opening the door to go in.

        As I opened the door, I toed off my red heels, and turned around to close the door.  I stood there rooted to the spot, not knowing what to do.  I knew with this new revelation, that my time had just become drastically shortened.  The numbness was seeping into my bones.  My dark thoughts were intensifying second by second.  The voices growing louder in my head.  Soon, I would not be able to ignore them.  Soon, they would take over my mind.  Soon, I would cease to be me.  How long did I have now? Months, weeks, even only days?

The voices were being to scream in my head right now.  Yelling at me, and ricocheting in the confides of my brain.

"THEY MUST DIE!"
"YOU MUST HURT THEM!"
"MAKE THEM FEEL YOUR PAIN!"
"YOU ARE NOT ALONE, WE ARE HERE TO GUIDE YOU..."

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"  I screamed at myself, as I began hitting my own head with my hands, hoping to force the voices back.  Hoping to quiet their yelling in my head.  Hoping for silence.

        I watched as my door was violently wrenched open, and Damien came stomping in.  His face contorted in fury.  He walked up, his face a mere inch from mine.  His hot breath fanning across my face.  As he seethed in anger and snarled at me.

"I told you I chose my own fate.  What you pathetically thought I would chose you over her one day? How delusional you are.  You will NEVER compare to her.  I would rather die than to ever be mated to something like you.  You will never be worth anything! Do you hear me?  Get it through your thick head that I don't want you.  Your brother doesn't want you.  Even your parents would have rather killed themselves, than to want you."

        I howled in absolute pain, closing my eyes tightly, I sunk down on the carpet, and wrapped my arms around my legs and began rocking myself back and forth.  Trying to comfort myself.  When I saw Damien's shoes begin to fade like an apparition.  Looking up, I realized it was all a hallucination, but had been more vivid than anything I had experienced before.  It had been so real.