call it what you want • narry storan AU

ten: harry

You have to be prepared for everything when you're in love. You have to think about the positive things, the negative shit, the rejection or the devotion that may come from your lover. You have to take risks in the name of being honest about how you're feeling. You have to think about your lover, but also protect yourself from being heartbroken at some point.

Life told me those things. I immersed myself in relationships that I didn't know what to expect, broke my heart, broke my bones, broke my thoughts, broke everything inside me and around me too. Most of the pain I have felt in love came from the man that shouldn't be mentioned so often. But most of the happy parts of my love story came exactly from the man who I've had feelings and never figured it out. 

Most of my smiles back on the last years of One Direction were directly related to Niall Horan trying to make me feel better after standing by my side in every storm that ever tried to drag me down (yeah, that's a reference). Most of my laughs before the band's hiatus were connected to the really, really bad jokes that Niall improvised every single day to make me feel better. And most of my dreams at night were also connected to his presence in each one of them.

This is why I'm so scared now. Because I couldn't control my mouth from dropping words that I know that will change everything in our friendship from now on. A part of me couldn't handle the unreciprocal love that I felt towards him, but a part of me just screams inside my brain that I took a high risk by telling him about my feelings. I do like him, but I know it's gonna be a disaster.

"Why?" It's all he says, after minutes of silence.

I can't look straight to his face right now. I fear him. I fear his next reactions, I fear the things I'm about to lose in the morning.

"What do you mean with 'why'?" I ask back, trying to gain time for my mind to elaborate something solid to say.

"Why do you like me, Harry?" I see tears in his eyes when he asks that. "What is it about me that makes you like me?"

I grin right after this. I could mock about this obvious question, but I know what's happening. Niall can be a ray of light for all of us, but he has his own demons all the time too. I can easily remember of numerous times when I caught him crying because a hater said on internet that he shouldn't be in the group, that he's the one that would have a failed career after the hiatus. Those were the days I was the one to comfort him, to hold him against my body all night long, until he could sleep. I had my bad days, but I felt like shit every time Niall cried in front of me.

People should measure their words sometimes.

"That's the easiest thing to talk about. I could stay here until nine in the morning saying all the good things about you, Ni", I blurt out happily, taking his right hand in my left one and caressing his hand knuckles with my thumb. "For where should I start? Huh, let's talk about your personality. I'm pretty sure Madonna thought about you when she wrote "Ray of Light". Dare me to say otherwise", I see a little smirk on his face, and I decide to keep talking. "Katy Perry must have written 'Firework' when she saw your audition on X-Factor. Dare me to say otherwise too. Fuck. You're such a paradise, Niall, but you don't even know it. You're handsome as fuck, I could stare at your face all day long. You're talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, just like Gaga said once", this time, he laughs out loud, but he stops as soon as we think about everybody else sleeping in the house.

"Loved that reference."

"I knew you would recognize it. See? I also know a lot of things about you without making me look like a psycho", he's still laughing when his head lays down on my shoulder, making me grin at the contact. "I know you love my food, but you almost never say it out loud. I know you hate when someone snores loudly by your side, and this was the first thing you said when Zayn left the band, so don't say I'm a liar. I know you probably fell in love two or three times during the time we were in the band, and I was there for you when you were too nervous about your first date with a woman, and also with a man later. Although I was way more nervous than you this time."

"It seemed like you were the one to go on a date."

"And I'm sorry for that." My thumb is still caressing his hand. I tilt my head slightly to feel his hair in my face. "The point is, I like you a lot. And I promised myself I'd never tell you until you'd ask. This is why I'm telling you now. Only because you asked." His head steps back from my shoulder, and for the first time ever since he came over here, I'm looking straight into his eyes. And I'm scared again. "I'll understand if you don't feel the same things for me, I'd never ask you to love me because that's the kind of thing you can't simply ask from someone. And I'll understand if you wanna go back home tomorrow, I can even take you to the airport if you want to, and I'm not gonna say a thing about it if you don't wan--"

All the speech I had planned in my mind goes away with the wind in the second Niall's lips brush into mine, giving me a proper kiss.