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18| The Lady in Shinning Armor: Monte Carlo High

Critic: CloudNine9Haven
Author: imbethqui

First gusto ko lang humingi ng tawad dahil sobrang delayed na nito. It was my fault. Sorry for all the inconvenience. :(
But thank you for being patient with me despite of my irresponsibility as a critic.

All the things that I said in this critique do not aim to offend or to insult anyone specially the author. It is merely an interpretation that strives to suggest valuable approaches and opinions to improve the story itself. Thank you and God bless!

Book Cover

Noong unang nakita ko 'yong book cover, iba pa 'yong istura niya. Mapagkakamalan mo siyang paranormal story kaya may nakita na agad ako na disclaimer sa description na hindi ito paranormal story. Now, iba na 'yong book cover and I think mas fit na ito sa genre ng story. Catchy naman ang colours tho tingin ko hindi tama ang size ng canvas kasi medyo off siya ng konti. May mga fonts na hindi nakikita. Iyon lang naman pero setting that aside, it is still visually pleasing pa naman.

Title

"The Lady In Shining Armour" not that unique some titles that are somehow related to this are already existing in Wattpad. Like: "Damsel in Shining Armor" and suchs but then you add the words: "Monte Claro High" that will definitely reinforce the attraction that you want. Since we all know that a lot of Wattpadders are really suckers for High School Action stories so you're title will most likely attract those kind of readers.

So I think it's okay. Besides, as the saying goes, don't judge the book by its title.

6/10

Description

It's a two sentence description which I personally like as a reader. The way you constructed the description really brings that enticing factor. Nag-iwan ka agad ng mga tanong na syempre, gustong malaman ng mga readers.

I think I'll give this 5/10

Prologue

Nice Prologue, I must say. May nakita lang ako na super ultra mega minor technical error sa paggamit ng, "ng"

"Hinawakan ko ng mahigpit ang lukot nang pulang papel at may bigla akong naisip."

It should be:
"Hinawakan ko nang mahigpit ang lukot ng pulang papel at may bigla akong naisip."
Nang- sumasagot sa tanont na paano.
ng- sumasagot sa tanont na ano.

Ang ganda ng pagkaka-execute ng scenes. Nandoon 'yong element ng "show not tell" ang vivid sa imagination kasi well-supplemented with details, eh.

Nagpasok ka ng mystery effect na talaga namang nag-aakit sa mga readers mo na mas magbasa pa ulit.

"Sino si Anastacia?"
"Paano siya namatay?"
"Sino 'yong nagpapadala ng sulat?"

Good job.

Will give this 8/10. The mystery and thrilling effect is so on point in this part.

Technicalities

•For a more formal approach(kahit na tingin ko mae-edit naman 'to once ma-pub na)
'Wag na lagyan ng asteris ang mga pov. And there is no need to put "POV" nga, eh. Just put the name of the character in bold font then it will do the trick.

•Kagaya nga rin ng nabanggit mo, hindi ka sanay sa paggamit ng Filipino-English as a form of medium sa pagsulat ng story kaya it is understandable na may kaunting errors in terms of sentence construction. May mga hanging sentence na hindi pa dapat tuldok pero nakatuldok na. Meron ding phrase na nahiwalay sa sentence na dapat kasama siya pero that's okay—super minor and slightly irrelevant. I just kinda noticed it.