"I'm Here For You." Malec Au

chapter 18

Alec POV
Once home Izzy and Jace immediately asked how I was.
"Hey Alec how are you?" Izzy asked sounding concerned but trying to hide it.
I shrugged.
I don't know how I felt that was the problem. I felt empty, numb, emotionless.
Jace gave Izzy a weird look and then also shrugged.
"I'm tired." I said which was true, I felt really tired. Those stupid meds.
"Come on then, let's go to bed." Magnus said smiling softly. He grabbed my hand and said "see you later" to Iz and Jace.
Magnus. I'm burdening him a lot with how I am now. He probably thinks I'm weird, he is just here because he feels sorry for me.
No he loved me.
"Alec? You okay?" Magnus voices snapped me back into reality I looked at him.
"Do you think I'm weird?"  I asked him. This caught Magnus off guard.
"Of course not. Why do you think that?" Magnus asked we sat down on bed. Alec shrugged. "It's just, everything that happened to me doesn't usually happen to a normal person. And I think that makes me weird." I said looking down.
"Alec you are not weird, you're different. Different makes you special. And it's a loss for everyone who thinks you are weird because you are one of the most amazing person I've ever known." Magnus said cupping my face. I smiled a little it was a genuine smile. "Thanks. But do you think I will ever be able to play soccer again?"  I asked. I really want to keep playing soccer but I don't know if the team will wants me back after everything.
"Of course and don't worry about the team. They love you. You're their brother they will welcome you back." Magnus said.
I nodded.
"Come on let's take a nap."
I nodded again and we layed down facing each other. Magnus pulled me into his chest and I closed my eyes.
I still couldn't stop worrying about everything. What if the team doesn't want me in their team anymore. What if they would abandon me, like everyone else eventually will do?
I was scared. Scared to never be the same Alec ever again.
To not being able to do anything I love again. Scared that everyone is going to fuck my life up by hurting me. Like Jake did.
I felt a tear slip down my cheek. Fuck. I burried my face close against Magnus' chest and i took a deep breath trying to calm myself down. I grabbed Magnus his shirt into my fist. Magnus smelled nice.
"You wanna talk about it?" Magnus voice whispered softly into my ear. I didnt realise it was more than one tear slipping down my cheek and that Magnus' shirt was all wet.
I shook my head.
"That's okay." Magnus said in a calm and soothing voice.
"You're okay." Magnus said drawing circles in my back. I sniffled softly. I hate it to be so vulnerable. I hate to burden him so much. I hate this fucking mental-illness.
I hate me.
I tried to wipe my tears but they kept coming.
"I'm sorry." I choked out.
"It's not your fault." Magnus said pulling me away from his chest to look at me. I knew I looked horrible but Magnus didn't seem to care.
He put his hands on both of my cheeks and wiped the tears.
"It's going to be okay Alec, I promise." He said. I didn't know if i should believe him but everything eventually has to get better right.
I nodded my head slightly and sniffled again.
Magnus smiled a little and kissed my softly on the lips, not for long it was just a soft and quick peck on the lips but it meant the world.
"It's okay." Magnus whispered, our foreheads touching and he caressed my cheek.
Magnus deserved someone better than me. Someone who isn't broken. Someone who comes out of bed happy everyday. Someone without worries. Someone perfect. I wasn't the person who Magnus deserved.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Magnus asked curiously.
"Why did I deserve you?" I asked Magnus looking him straight in the eyes. This caught Magnus of guard.
"Well I.." he started smiling, "I don't know. But you're perfect." Magnus said.
I scoffed. 'Perfect' yeah right.
"I'm a broken mess Magnus." I said.
"Everyone is broken, but I believe there is one person out here in this world, who can build you up." Magnus said.
That was actually really beautiful and sad at the same time.
"I'm here for you, Alexander" Magnus said.

Hey Y'all! I have actually tried to write some feelings into this. But wow jeez this sounds a lot like a ending but i promise it's not!
I hope everyone is save and healthy in these hard fucking times and please take care of yourself. Not only physically but mentally too!