Thantophobia

Chapter 24

"Are you going to come down for dinner?" A knock sounded at the door, and I saw Liam pop his head in.

"Oh, dinner is ready?" Ransom walks out of the bathroom, putting on a more comfortable plain black t-shirt.

"Yep. Come on down." Before I can protest that I'm not exactly hungry, Liam leaves the room and I sigh.

Ransom kneels down in front of me, taking my hands in his.

"Baby steps. Don't think about anything else that will happen after dinner. Just come and get some food right now, alright?" His soft eyes are encouraging, and reluctantly I nod.

He beams a gentle smile. "Great! You look just fine for dinner anyways." He pulls me up to stand with him and he leads the way out of the room, and he suddenly looked lost.

"Ok, I would lead you to the kitchen but I have no clue where it is." He turns back to me and admits that sheepishly.

I hold back a laugh and I shake my head, now amused. "Alright tough guy, follow me. Maybe I need to give you a tour of this place later."

"I agree. But right now I'm just hungry."

I roll my eyes and hum in response, leading him down some stairs and into the dining room that was connected to the kitchen. I never let go of his hand while I did so. It comforted me.

When we walked in, I see a ton of familiar faces. My parents, Liam, his family, my Alpha and Luna I was brought up with, and Malik and Luca with their...kids?

I see their daughter Nico, who is now six years old, and it looks like they have a two year old son.

Man, I have missed out on so much.

I see two open chairs, and Ransom and I both sit down, the table chatter quieting down.

I look around, and everyone's eyes are on me, which didn't help my anxiety one bit.

"Can you all stop staring at me please?" I announce, maybe a bit too harshly.

Everyone snaps out of their own worlds and looking at me, to going back to minding their own business.

"We're happy to have you here." Arina gently sets a hand on my shoulder, and gives me a warm and comforting smile.

At least it made things a little bit better, but I can't say fully.

"Can I ask what I missed while I was gone?" I whispered to Arina, and she nods.

"Liam can't have kids. But they're perfectly fine with Riya and Gio. Hannah and Kay have a son, but they're on vacation right now. They'll be back in two days." Arina looks around, humming to herself as she tries to look at what she missed.

"Malik and Luca have a son, his name is Elijah. A cutie, but a troublemaker." She points to the small family, and I take a better look at the two year old son. He looks exactly like Malik, just with Luca's brighter skin shade.

"Is that it?" I look over to her, and she shrugs and nods. "I guess. I just don't want to overwhelm you too much tonight. So if there's anything you're wondering about later just ask me or anyone else and we would be more then happy to tell you."

"What about you? Any kids?" I ask, and she shakes her head.

"I'm not really a kid person. But if it happens in the future, then it happens." She looks down at her plate and begins to dig into her food.

I took that as a sign to drop the subject, and so I did. I wouldn't want to be put in an uncomfortable and hard situation either.

I glance over at Liam, who is talking to Ansaldo with a bright smile on his face, clearly content and happy.

I look down at my plate of food, and begin to feel sick. Last time Liam and I were at this table together, the situation was different. I was the one happy, not the one feeling heartbroken.

I look down at my fork, and my mind flashes back to when Liam cut his hand. Me leaving my mate at the table to go check and make sure he was okay, only to piss him off further.

I panic and shove myself away from the table, everyone silencing. It doesn't take a genius to know that everyone is looking at you when you suddenly get up and leave in a panic.

I hear Ransom calling after me, but I don't respond and exit the kitchen.

I feel my face getting wet, and I use the sleeves of my shirt and wipe my tears off my face.

I exit out the back porch door, needing some fresh air to clear my foggy mind. All of this was too overwhelming and I felt like I wasn't getting any clarity whatsoever.

I sit down on an outdoor couch swing, and bring my knees up to my chest, trying to bring every part of myself close together. It made me feel like at least I could control that.

I start to get my breathing under control, but unfortunately not my crying.

I hear a couple taps at the porch sliding glass door, and I see Luca poking his head out.

"Hey, mind if I join you?" He gives me a sympathetic smile.

I just look at him, not responding.

"It's just me. I told everyone to not follow you and to give you space. I just figured you would like someone to be with you." Luca steps outside, softly sliding the door closed, separating us two from everyone else inside.

I just turn and look back out at a shadow that is supposed to be the forest behind the pack house.

I feel something warm covering my shoulders, and internally thank Luca for bringing me a blanket in Ohio's cold weather that I was no longer used to.

"I get flashes, and nightmares. Little pieces of my memories. All the time. They don't really go away." Luca eventually speaks up, also looking out at the forest.

I turn to him, curiosity peeking in my mind. "Of what?"

He takes a deep breath before continuing. "I'm not really sure. I assume it was from when Elizabeth took me. Malik tells me he hears me screaming her name whenever I have a nightmare."

"So you're telling me you don't remember what happened to you? Even after all these years?" I ask very slowly.

He nods, and leans back into more of the cushion that the swing provided.

I look back out into the darkness.

"Sometimes little bits and pieces come back, but they'll haunt me for the rest of my life. It's a curse but a gift to forget something traumatizing." I see Luca look over to me and I just nod.

"I wish I could forget."

———

(Aaaaahhhh guys I literally cannot tell you how excited I am for my new story to be published!

Y'all asked and y'all shall receive. You guys really wanted a bxb mpreg, so we're doing another one! Unfortunately, no werewolf tied into it :(

I hope you guys have noticed my little color theme going on with my book covers, and each new series or story of mine that is separate from each other is going to be a different color. This upcoming one is Green. And the Book title is called...

*drumroll please*

Unraveled :)

I am not going to expose the storyline yet though! Sorry!

Anyways, is quarantine getting any better or worse for you guys? If you ever need anyone to talk too just reach out! Especially any seniors of mine. My graduation got cancelled a few days ago, so I understand your pain and I'm always here for you.

I'm rambling. Cya in the next update!)